There’s a point in life, especially as we move into our 40s, where the desire for change becomes stronger than ever. We recognise patterns that no longer serve us—unhealthy eating, emotional habits, and ways we use food to soothe ourselves. Despite good intentions, many of us find ourselves stuck in cycles of reward, guilt, and self-criticism. But how can we break out of this cycle for good?
In this episode, Trisha and I dove into this question: Why do unhealthy habits stick so deeply, and why do positive changes feel so hard?
We discussed how habits are rooted in unconscious parts of the brain, often driven by dopamine or the “pleasure reward.” This unconscious patterning means we may reach for a glass of wine or snack almost automatically, not because we need it but because it’s an ingrained reward system we’ve built over time.
Why Breaking Bad Habits is Harder Than It Seems
Most of our habits don’t start consciously. They often stem from childhood—perhaps food was used as a comfort or reward in your family, or maybe it became a way to manage stress as you grew older.
Over time, these associations became habitual, ingrained without much thought. This is why replacing unhealthy habits with healthier ones can feel like an uphill battle. Habits like these have a “comfort zone” built in, and our brains are naturally resistant to change.
For instance, it’s easy to reach for immediate comfort after a long day—whether that’s chocolate or takeout. But exercise, for example, has delayed gratification, with benefits arriving only after some effort.
That’s why, at the end of a busy day, curling up on the couch with something indulgent may seem so much easier than lacing up your runners and hitting the gym. It’s our brain’s default to seek comfort with the least resistance.
The Pitfalls of “Listen to Your Body” Mentality
Trisha brought up an interesting point about the popular concept of “intuitive eating.”
For some, following hunger cues alone can perpetuate mindless eating rather than help to break it. Many people struggle with the idea of intuitive eating because it requires a self-awareness that we may not always have, especially in moments of emotional stress. Instead, building a more mindful approach—accepting where we are now and acknowledging the habits we want to change—can set a stronger foundation for healthier choices.
Shifting From Reward-Based to Value-Based Goals
A powerful way to approach change is to focus on your values rather than immediate rewards.
For instance, instead of setting a goal to “lose two stone,” shift your focus to a larger, value-based aim like “I want to be healthy and present for my family.” This becomes a guiding “North Star,” providing deeper motivation that goes beyond the quick dopamine fix of a sugary snack or the reward of a cheat meal.
Think about why you want to change: Do you want more energy, confidence, or quality time with loved ones? Values like these create meaningful goals and reduce the frustration and guilt when we don’t see immediate results.
They also encourage smaller, sustainable steps rather than drastic, unrealistic expectations.
Making Peace with Discomfort and Accepting Where You Are
The first step in changing any habit is acceptance. This doesn’t mean being happy with where you are; it simply means acknowledging it without judgment.
By openly recognising your behaviors—whether it’s avoiding mirrors, sneaking to the fridge, or relying on food for comfort—you start to build the self-awareness that makes change possible. Accepting where you are and understanding that change will come with discomfort can help ease the mental battle of transformation.
Change isn’t meant to feel easy or natural. Like a child reluctant to have their nappy changed, we often cling to familiar routines, even when they don’t serve us. However, understanding that discomfort is part of the journey can be liberating. Accept that habits don’t have to feel comfortable to be beneficial. The willingness to feel a bit of discomfort can be one of the most empowering steps toward building lasting change.
Why the Time is Now, Not Someday Later
Right now, you’re in the perfect position to take your next big step, not just in fitness but in every area of your life. Maybe the kids are a little more independent now, and you’re finding just a bit more breathing room in your day. Maybe work feels more settled. Whatever brought you here, this moment, this chapter of life is here for a reason. It’s the time to focus on you, not ten years down the line but today.
It’s so easy to think, “I’ll focus on myself once the chaos dies down.” Sound familiar? Or, “When work calms down, I’ll get serious about my health.”
But waiting for that “perfect time” is a trap.
The time to take charge is now, while you’re still making the most of your strength, your energy, and your capacity to grow. Every little decision you make today—taking that 20-minute workout, choosing a bit more protein in your meals, or carving out just five minutes of mindfulness—brings you closer to who you want to become.
You’re already halfway there by just listening, learning, and showing up. Now’s the time to ask yourself: what else can I do? What more could I push myself to achieve if I didn’t let doubt creep in?
In the end, there’s no perfect time to start making changes. But as we reach new stages of life, particularly after 40, we’re given a unique window of opportunity. Now is the time to take on habits that align with our values and our desired future, before the day comes when our bodies or minds may not be able to support those changes as easily.
If you’re ready to make a shift, remind yourself that you’re not alone. The journey is challenging, but with a clear vision of your values, small attainable goals, and a willingness to embrace some discomfort, you can break free from old habits and step into a healthier, more conscious life.
The time to act is now, and each small step you take brings you closer to a stronger, healthier, and more mindful self.
Are You Afraid of Your Own Potential?
Let’s be real, there’s often a fear there, right?
We tell ourselves we’re scared of failure, but deep down, we’re even more afraid of success. We worry about what it’ll mean to actually step into our own potential, especially as women who’ve spent so long caring for others. We’ve been brought up to nurture, to prioritise others, and to not stand out too much. But here’s the thing—this nurturing nature can work for us, not against us, if we put ourselves in that equation.
Imagine if all that energy you’ve poured into others was put into your own goals, into your own strength, into truly stepping into who you can become. When you turn inward and invest in yourself, you’ll find a kind of energy and power you may not even know you have.
Dropping the Self-Doubt and Owning Your Space
Let’s call out the inner dialogue for what it is—self-doubt. That voice that says, “Oh, I just got lucky,” or, “It was nothing special,” after every success.
How many times have you downplayed your wins?
It’s time to start owning them. Imagine your confidence as muscle. It’s there, and every time you stop apologising for taking up space or for being competitive, you’re strengthening it.
When it comes to physical fitness, we work to get stronger, more flexible, more capable, right? It’s the same for stepping into our power mentally and emotionally. We stop minimising ourselves; we start recognising what we bring to the table, acknowledging our strengths, and standing tall.
Embracing Small Changes to Fuel Big Wins
If you’re ready to make a shift, start small, and start real. If food is where you struggle, try writing down how you feel each day, even if it’s just a line or two.
The point is awareness, not perfection. It’s not about punishing yourself for having a rough day or slipping up. It’s about staying mindful, learning to spot those moments of stress, and making a small choice in the right direction next time.
Ask yourself: What am I doing this for? Is it for my long-term health? Is it to be able to show up fully for my family, my work, and myself?
Stay connected to those values—they’re the ones that will keep you strong on days when motivation fades.
Practical Tips to Keep You on Track
- Set Reminders to Check In with Yourself: Alarms on your phone can be a fantastic reminder to breathe, stretch, drink water, or just pause for a few seconds. You’re adding in self-care checkpoints throughout the day.
- Build a Little Accountability: Whether it’s in a journal, through a friend, or by joining a community, keep yourself accountable. Remember, this isn’t about perfection; it’s about consistency.
- Define Your Own Goals and Celebrate Wins: Small wins lead to big victories. If you’re getting out for a walk today or deciding to swap a sugary snack for something a little more nourishing, that’s a win.
- Focus on What You Want, Not What Others Think: Remember, no one else’s opinion matters as much as your own. Not everyone will cheer you on or understand, but that’s not your business. Your business is moving forward toward your goals.
You have strength and potential, right now, to make powerful changes in your life. It’s not about waiting for another time; it’s about stepping into your power today, with every choice and every step you take forward. Now, let’s make it happen.
Connect with Trisha
- Website: https://mindandbodyworks.com/
- Email: galway@mindandbodyworks.com
- Phone: 091 725750
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke