Welcome back to another episode of the Jessica Cooke Podcast!
This is episode 228, and today we’re diving into a topic that so many of us can relate to—Rachel's struggle with dieting and, more importantly, how to break free from it once and for all.
Before we dive into Rachel’s story, I want to remind you that I’m sharing your letters, emails, and messages in each episode. Your struggles and challenges are what drive this podcast, and together, we’ll work through them. If you want your challenge featured, drop me an Email at jessica@jessicacooke.ie or send me a message on Instagram.
Why Dieting is Always a Struggle
Rachel wrote to me with an email that I’m sure many of you will find familiar:
Dear Jessica, my name is Rachel, and I'm 43 years old. Like so many women my age, I've spent years hopping from one diet to another—keto, intermittent fasting, you name it. It’s an exhausting cycle of losing weight, gaining it back, and feeling like a failure. As a busy mum of two teenagers, I barely have time to focus on myself. I know I need to be healthier, but the constant pressure to follow diets feels overwhelming. I just want to feel comfortable in my body without obsessing over every bite. How can I let go of this diet mindset and find a sustainable, healthy way to live?
Rachel, thank you for your email. It’s such a common struggle and one that I dealt with myself for years. Dieting often feels like the only way to control our weight and health, but it traps us in a never-ending cycle of restriction and guilt. So, let’s break this down, shall we?
Why Diet?
The first thing to ask yourself is: Why are you dieting?
What do you believe dieting will achieve for you? Many of us associate dieting with being a smaller, “better” version of ourselves. For me, dieting used to mean control, thinness, and fitting into a specific mould. I thought being healthy meant restricting food, and that was the goal—just eat less, control every bite, and that would lead to success.
But, what really happens? We become obsessed with food. We blink ourselves to the bigger picture—our mental health, enjoyment of life, and connections with others. All we see are calories, meal plans, and food choices. It becomes all-consuming, and we miss out on the other aspects of being healthy.
What Does Being Fit and Healthy Mean?
Now, here's where I want you to pause and really think. What does being fit and healthy mean to you? Write it down. Describe the person you aspire to be, even if you're not there yet.
For me, being fit and healthy means freedom.
It’s being able to move my body the way I want, whether it’s running up the stairs, jumping on a chair, or going for a spontaneous hike. It’s feeling comfortable in my own skin and having a great relationship with food—enjoying pizza and ice cream with my family without guilt.
It’s also about mental well-being: not being consumed by stress, avoiding the mindless scroll before bed, connecting with friends, and reading good books.
Being healthy is so much more than a number on the scales or fitting into a certain dress size. Yet, dieting culture makes us believe that these superficial goals are the only markers of health.
But, ask yourself this: do you think your grandparents worried about dieting? In the 1940s and 1950s, people were healthier because they saw food as fuel. They ate three meals a day and didn’t obsess over the latest fad diet.
Dieting Doesn’t Work—So Why Do We Do It?
We need to question the very foundation of dieting. Does dieting really work? If you’re honest with yourself, the answer is likely no. Dieting is a temporary fix that doesn’t address the deeper issues. So, why do we keep doing it?
Rachel mentioned that she goes on and off diets, and I hear this so often. When you’re not dieting, do you feel like you're in the “nothing” phase, eating whatever you want because, well, you’re off the diet? This all-or-nothing mindset is a big part of the problem. If you're either restricting or overindulging, it’s a sign that the underlying issues haven’t been addressed.
The fear of letting go of dieting comes from the worry that we’ll lose control. You may think that if you stop dieting, you’ll gain weight or spiral into unhealthy eating habits. But this fear keeps you trapped in the dieting cycle, preventing you from finding a balanced, sustainable approach to health.
Healing the Relationship with Yourself
Here’s the truth: if you want to break free from dieting, you need to heal the relationship with yourself.
It’s not about finding the next diet or the perfect meal plan. It’s about addressing the underlying stress, overwhelm, and negative self-talk that fuels the need to control food.
If you're constantly feeling guilty after eating pizza or ice cream, or if you wake up after a night of indulgence and feel the need to restrict the next day, it’s a sign that your relationship with food—and with yourself—needs healing.
This is where the real work begins, and it’s not about food at all. It’s about reducing your stress, quieting that inner critic, and moving away from perfectionism.
When you fix these shaky foundations, healthy habits start to form naturally. You’ll no longer need to white-knuckle your way through the week, hoping to stay “on track.”
Instead, eating healthy will become second nature, and the obsession with food will disappear.
Finding Balance and Letting Go of Control
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s balance. Think of it like the concept of yin and yang in Tai Chi.
You need balance in your life—with food, with movement, and with your mindset. Let go of the idea that controlling every meal will bring you happiness. Instead, focus on being healthy, in a holistic sense.
Start by writing down your vision of your healthy self. Get rid of social media accounts and influences that make you feel like you need to diet. Fill your world with positive influences—people who inspire you to live well, not restrict yourself.
Final Thoughts
Rachel, and anyone else listening who feels stuck in the diet cycle, I want you to remember this: the answers you seek aren’t in another diet plan. They are inside you. You don’t need to fix yourself; you need to heal. When you do that, being fit and healthy will just become a part of who you are.
If you found value in this episode, I hope you take these reflections and run with them. Dieting doesn’t have to be your forever. Let’s get rid of it once and for all.
Enjoyed the Episode?
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke