Welcome to the Jessica Cooke podcast!
I’m so thrilled you’re here today. Whether you’re in the car, taking a walk, or just relaxing, I’m sending you a big hello and an even bigger hug.
Today, I want to talk to you about something incredibly important: why being hard on yourself is keeping you from achieving your fitness and health goals.
Summer’s Over—And I’m Feeling Good!
The kids are back to school, and it feels like summer is officially over. I’m feeling really good, and that’s not just because I’m enjoying some peace and quiet.
This summer, I focused on staying present, truly living in the moment, and it’s made all the difference. Instead of stressing about the kids being home or the chaos that summer often brings, I just enjoyed it. I stayed present, and it felt wonderful.
It’s the same with the kids going back to school—I’m focusing on the excitement and happiness of the moment, nothing else.
The Power of the Present Moment
I’ve realised that so many of our problems don’t actually exist in the present moment. They’re just thoughts about what we think might happen, and those thoughts create unnecessary anxiety.
Most of our present moments are actually pretty great—we’re safe, we’re okay. And when we let go of worrying about the future, we can truly enjoy the now. I’ve been practising this, and it’s been mind-blowing.
All is well right here, right now.
Why You Keep Failing—And How to Stop
Today, I want to chat about something crucial that might be holding you back from success. You’re going to keep failing until you master this one thing.
Many of us think we haven’t achieved our fitness goals because we haven’t found the right diet or workout plan. We jump from one thing to the next, thinking nothing works for us. I’ve been there, too.
But the truth is, it’s not about finding the perfect plan—it’s about changing our mindset.
The Pitfall of Trying Harder
I’ve been the world’s biggest trier, digging myself into a hole, thinking that more effort would eventually pay off.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, trying harder isn’t the answer.
If you’re like me, a hard worker who never gives up, you might be associating hard work with progress. But sometimes, what we really need is to take a step back and focus on our mindset, on how we’re thinking about our goals.
It’s not about doing more or having more willpower. It’s about doing less but becoming more self-aware.
When you become more self-aware, you realise just how hard you’ve been on yourself—and that’s what’s really holding you back.
How Being Hard on Yourself is Sabotaging Your Fitness Goals
Let’s talk about why being hard on yourself is so detrimental.
For starters, when you don’t feel like you’re enough, you’re setting yourself up for failure from the start.
It’s like running a race where everyone else has a clear path, but you have to jump over a massive hurdle before you even begin.
This feeling of inadequacy trickles down into everything you do, making it harder to put in 100% effort in your workouts or to believe that you can achieve your goals.
The Vicious Cycle of Comparison
Comparing yourself to others is another way of being hard on yourself.
When you’re constantly using other people’s success as a stick to beat yourself with, you’re only going to feel worse.
And when you feel bad about yourself, what do you do? You probably skip your workouts, eat unhealthy food, and withdraw from the world.
It’s a vicious cycle that keeps you stuck.
Negative Self-Talk: The Silent Saboteur
Calling yourself names, like “fat” or “ugly" has a massive negative impact on your self-esteem and your ability to move forward.
I used to look in the mirror and pick myself apart, focusing on everything I didn’t like about my body. If you’re doing the same, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to love yourself enough to make healthy choices.
Think about it: if you're constantly calling yourself fat, how you she expect to feel motivated to eat healthy or exercise?
This kind of negative self-talk reinforces unhealthy behaviours and keeps you from reaching your goals.
Limiting Beliefs and Unhelpful Identities
Another way being hard on yourself holds you back is by reinforcing limiting beliefs.
For example, if you identify as someone who has never been athletic, you’re going to be hesitant to try new exercises or push yourself in a workout.
This belief shapes your actions, making it more likely that you’ll give up at the first sign of struggle.
Or maybe you think, “I’ve failed at this before, so I’ll fail again.”
This belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you encounter a setback, you’re more likely to give up, thinking that history is just repeating itself.
But the truth is, every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow.
The Trap of People-Pleasing
If you’re a people pleaser, like I used to be, this can also stem from being hard on yourself.
When you don’t have confidence or truly love and respect yourself, you might prioritise pleasing others over taking care of yourself.
This lack of boundaries can lead to skipping workouts, not respecting your own time, and ultimately, not achieving your goals.
How to Break Free
The key to breaking free from these patterns is to become aware of your thoughts and start challenging them. You don’t have to sit down and read a million self-help books—you just need to be present and mindful of the stories you’re telling yourself.
Start by letting go of the labels you’ve put on yourself.
You don’t have to identify as someone who always fails or who isn’t athletic. You can change your narrative.
For example, instead of saying, “I’ve always failed at getting fit,” you can say, “Every setback is a learning opportunity, and this time I’m approaching my goals with new strategies and a positive mindset.”
It’s the same with your identity as someone who isn’t athletic. You can build your strength and fitness at your own pace—everyone starts somewhere.
By changing your mindset, you can change your life.
Final Thoughts
Being hard on yourself is holding you back more than you realise.
It’s time to stop being your own worst enemy and start being your biggest supporter.
Let go of the old stories and identities that are keeping you stuck, and embrace a new narrative—one where you are enough, just as you are.
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke