We live in a world where the size of our bodies and the number on the scales often take centre stage. It starts in childhood, continues through adulthood, and feels like a never-ending cycle of comments, judgements, and the pressure to "fit the mould."
For many of us, it can feel impossible, like we’re falling short no matter what we do. This constant struggle creates a cycle of self-loathing and insecurity.
But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if you could let all that go? What if you could truly love your body—not just tolerate it, but love and appreciate it for all that it allows you to do?
In this episode, I want to share my personal journey from self-loathing to self-love.
I hope it will inspire you to take your own first step towards a healthier, more positive relationship with your body.
My Story: From Self-Loathing to Self-Love
I’m 5’11”—tall by most people’s standards—and from the moment I was old enough to walk, my height became the centre of attention.
“Wow, you’re so tall!” people would exclaim, as if I were some sort of oddity. I’d feel this weird mix of embarrassment and self-consciousness. When I was a teenager, trying to find shoes in my size (a simple 8!) was met with stares and exaggerated reactions from shop assistants.
It didn’t take long before I began believing something was wrong with me. I started hunching over, wishing I could shrink myself to fit into society’s narrow expectations. I was determined to hide, to be smaller, to disappear.
To make matters worse, I also struggled with my weight. I tried everything—from fad diets to unhealthy habits like bulimia. None of it worked, and all of it just made me feel worse. At my lowest point, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted.
Looking back on that time now, I barely recognise the person I was. I’ve come so far, and today, I genuinely love and appreciate my body. It almost feels like I’m talking about a completely different person when I describe how I once felt.
Why You Need to Stop Focusing on Weight
If you’re stuck in the cycle of constantly chasing weight loss, counting calories, or trying to shrink your body to fit a particular size, I get it. I’ve been there.
But I need you to understand this: when you focus solely on weight, you’re feeding the system that makes you feel "not enough."
The truth is, focusing on weight and appearance is a trap. It tricks us into believing that our worth is tied to how we look, but that’s simply not true. Your value goes so much deeper than a number on the scale.
When you stop making weight loss the goal and instead focus on being healthy, strong, and confident, everything changes. You stop obsessing over what your body looks like, and ironically, that’s when your body often finds its healthiest place on its own.
Steps to Build a Positive Relationship with Your Body
Here are some of the steps that helped me go from self-loathing to self-love. I hope they’ll help you, too:
1.) Ditch the Scales
Your weight doesn’t define your worth. If you’re someone who exercises regularly and has lean muscle, the number on the scale can be an unreliable measure of your health. Trust me—get rid of the scales. They’re doing more harm than good.
2.) Set Values-Based Goals
Forget about aiming to lose weight. Instead, focus on what truly matters to you. Do you want to feel strong? Have more energy? Be active and fit? These are the kinds of goals that guide you to make better choices, without the obsession with numbers.
3.) Practice Daily Affirmations
At first, saying things like “I am enough” felt strange, but over time, those words began to sink in. Affirmations like “I am strong,” “I am worthy,” and “I love my body” can completely shift your mindset.
4.) Stop Commenting on Bodies
In my home, we don’t comment on anyone’s body—whether it’s family, friends, or even people on TV. We focus on what truly matters—kindness, humour, passion. This not only helps you stop obsessing over looks, but it also teaches others the same.
5.) Quiet Your Inner Critic
We all have that voice in our head that’s quick to criticise us. It’s usually an echo of past bullies or society’s harsh beauty standards. Start to notice when that voice shows up, and replace it with positive affirmations. Over time, you’ll start to build a kinder, more supportive inner dialogue.
6.) Question the Media
The beauty industry thrives on making us feel inadequate. Anti-aging creams, weight-loss ads, social media influencers—they all promote the idea that we need to "fix" ourselves. Start questioning these messages. Recognise them for what they are: marketing tactics designed to profit off your insecurities.
7.) Find Joy in Non-Appearance-Related Activities
Instead of constantly focusing on your appearance, find joy in hobbies and activities that make you feel alive. For me, it’s playing pickleball, going on walks in nature, or spending quality time with my family. These experiences remind me that life is about far more than how we look.
8.) Build a Supportive Community
Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are—not how you look. Whether it’s following inspiring figures like Eckhart Tolle or joining a supportive fitness group, find your tribe. Let go of relationships that feel toxic and no longer serve you
Final Thoughts
Loving your body is a journey. It won’t happen overnight, and it takes patience and consistent effort. But I promise you, it’s worth it. When you learn to see your body as a partner in life, instead of an enemy, everything changes.
You are more than your weight, your size, or your appearance.
You are enough, exactly as you are.
What’s one step you’ll take today to start building a positive relationship with your body?
Enjoyed the Episode?
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke