Welcome back to another episode of the Jessica Cooke Podcast!
Today I want to talk to you about something incredibly close to my heart. I recently received a letter from a woman named Siobhan, and what she shared really struck a chord with me. I think many of you will resonate with her words if you've ever struggled with body acceptance and body image, much like I have over the years.
Siobhan's Story
Siobhan wrote about her ongoing battle with body image. She’s been working hard to accept herself, acknowledging that she will never have the "ideal" body that society might say she should aspire to. However, she’s grateful for the relatively healthy body that serves her every day.
Even with her amazing progress—her body is getting stronger, and her joints feel less painful—she finds herself disappointed when she sees photos of herself or catches a glimpse in the mirror. She finds herself body-checking far more than she would like and is often shocked at how "big" she looks, even though she’s been this size for years. She longs to let go of this fixation on looks and find peace.
Can you relate? Because I can.
Especially when Siobhan mentions being disappointed with how she looks in photos and regularly body-checking. That was my life for years. I know this feeling so well, and I feel for anyone going through it.
I’m proud of Siobhan for taking care of herself—working out and moving her body even through pain—but I understand that struggle. On one hand, you're doing all the right things to stay fit and healthy, but on the other hand, there’s this nagging, deeply ingrained self-hatred.
Let’s Unpack the Complexities of Body Image
Body image is such a complex issue. It's not just about learning to "love your body."
For many, and certainly for me, the body positivity movement can feel a little toxic at times. It sometimes oversimplifies the journey as if we can just decide to love our bodies, and everything will magically be okay.
When we struggle with this, it can lead to more self-criticism, thinking we’re doing something wrong because we can’t just love our bodies like all the influencers on Instagram seem to.
I know how hard it is to feel like you don’t measure up to that ideal. I used to wonder why I couldn’t just embrace my body like they do. But here’s the truth: it’s not that simple. For me, there were two major layers to my body image struggles.
Understanding the Deeper Layers of Body Image
The first layer is the emotional response when we don’t recognise ourselves in the mirror.
It’s not necessarily hating our bodies; it’s about seeing someone we don’t feel connected to. Maybe we’re not where we want to be with our habits—perhaps we’re overindulging, skipping workouts, or just not living in a way that reflects who we feel we are on the inside.
This disconnect can be painful, and when we see it reflected back at us, it causes distress. It's not just about size or shape—it’s about our lifestyle and the choices we're making that make us feel far removed from who we want to be.
The second layer is genuine body hate, which can be directed towards things we can’t control, like the size of our feet or our natural hair texture. This is where body acceptance comes in—not just in the sense of self-love, but in the pure acceptance of the facts of who we are.
Getting Real with Ourselves
One thing I’ve found immensely helpful is to start by getting real with ourselves.
If you're struggling with your body image, take some quiet time in front of a mirror. Ask yourself: What is it I don't like?
Go deeper than just thinking, "I feel big." What are the underlying thoughts and feelings behind that?
I’ve done this myself, and I was surprised at how much denial I had been in.
For years, I would rush by shop windows, tearing myself down at every reflection, but I never gave myself the space to really think about why I was doing it. The more you rush through life, the more you miss these moments to reflect and change the narrative.
My Journey to Healing My Body Image
I want to share my story with you because it might help shed some light on what you’re going through. I spent years hating on my body. I would body-check constantly, looking at every reflection I could find, just to call myself names—fat, big, ugly.
I even treated my body roughly, rushing through showers, slapping on cream with no care, banging into doors without a second thought. I completely disregarded myself.
But my biggest realisation was this: much of my self-loathing came from the disconnect between the person I wanted to be and the unhealthy habits I was stuck in.
When I was overeating, drinking too much, or skipping workouts, I felt that reflected back at me in the mirror. And I wasn’t just upset with my appearance—I was upset with my choices.
What I Did to Heal
So, how did I fix this? First, I worked on self-acceptance—not the kind where you stand in front of the mirror and declare, "I love you." It’s more about accepting the facts of who you are.
Stand in front of the mirror, look at every part of yourself—your forehead, chin, shoulders, everything—and simply accept it. Denying reality only causes more unhappiness. This is not about loving or hating—it’s just about seeing.
I also became gentler with myself. Small acts of kindness throughout the day made a huge difference. When I caught myself in negative self-talk, I’d stop and say, "We don’t do that anymore."
Over time, this practice rewires your brain. You begin to treat yourself with the same care and attention you’d give to someone you love.
Another huge step was unfollowing accounts on social media that made me feel inadequate. I only follow people who inspire deeper thinking, like Eckhart Tolle, who talks about how our fixation on the body is part of the ego, and how that attachment causes suffering.
Practical Steps for You
So, what can you do to let go of this fixation on looks, as Siobhan longs to do? Here are some steps that worked for me:
1. Acceptance Over Denial: Look at yourself and accept the facts. Not with judgement, just with awareness.
2. Small Acts of Kindness: Treat your body with care. Be gentle in the shower, when drying yourself, when putting on lotion.
3. Stop the Body-Checking: It’s a hard habit to break, but it works. When you feel the urge to check your reflection, stop and ask yourself why.
4. Reframe Negative Self-Talk: When you catch yourself being harsh, say, "Stop, we don’t do that anymore," and replace it with a kind word.
5. Curate Your Social Media: Unfollow anyone who triggers negative thoughts about your body. Fill your feed with positive, thoughtful content that focuses on the inner you.
6. Let Go of Unhealthy Habits: If your reflection is showing you habits you want to change, take small steps toward breaking free from them. Be honest with yourself about what makes you truly unhappy.
In Closing
The journey to body acceptance isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It’s not just about loving how you look—it's about aligning who you are with how you live. By taking small, meaningful steps each day, you can start to let go of the fixation on looks and embrace a deeper sense of self-love.
You’ve got this. I believe in you
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke