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Today's Podcast Episode

Hi and welcome to today's podcast episode.

What are we going to chat about in today's episode today?

What I want to do with you is to break down the common mindset barriers, all the mindsets, all the different negative mindsets that may be holding you back right now and show you a new way of thinking that is going to help you unstick yourself.

So this episode is for you.

If you're feeling stuck, if you're not getting results, if you're going around in circles, if you find it difficult to become consistent, if your health isn't where you want it to be.

If you feel shackled by your unhealthy habits.

This episode is for you before we get stuck in.

I had a nice weekend.

I went to visit my little brother who has had a new baby, a baby boy called Charlie and he is only lovely.

And you know, I had that feeling, you know, when you hold newborn babies and you have your own kids.

My kids are eight and nine and I held little Charlie in my arms and I was like, oh, my kids are getting older because in your head, your kids are so much smaller than they are.

And then you hold an actual small baby and you realize, wow, my kids are growing up, we had a nice weekend.

It was really relaxed.

I got a couple of dips in the sea, met some lovely women.

I always meet some really nice women down in Renville Galway and we're keeping it nice and quiet.

We're heading off to Cork for a few days around Halloween.

So we kind of chilled around the house mostly this weekend.

And it was lovely, really, really nice.

Watched the late late show.

I think Patrick Keelty is really coming out into himself.

I thought he was absolutely brilliant.

Jean Claude Van Dam.

How funny was he on with the show?

Um The reason why I want to chat to you about mindsets today is because what I often see and what I used to do with myself was switch from fitness plan to fitness plan to diet to diet.

I would always switch and change the external thing that I was doing if I wasn't getting results and if things weren't working for me and I never, for one second thought to change my mindset.

I never, for one second in all the years I was trying to lose weight and free myself from my unhealthy habits.

I never, for a second thought, it might be my mindset that was holding me back.

I never for a second thought.

It was how I was approaching everything and how I was thinking about everything was holding me back.

And I'm really grateful that I have the type of personality that if you teach me something or if I, if you teach me something and I understand it, that I will have a massive epiphany and change the way I think of something forever.

And I remember years ago when I was trying to get fit and healthy and changing diets, changing fitness plans, going from one thing to the other never having any results.

I hired a coach who was actually a coach in business at the time to help me improve my business.

And he told me that he had never met anybody that was as hard on themselves as I was and that he had coached a lot of people, but I definitely took the badge of, of, of being the most hard on myself.

And I remember at the time thinking.

Wow, I'm, you think I'm hard on myself and it stuck with me.

And it was one of the catalysts I had for changing and it was the first time somebody had made me think that maybe the way I was, maybe the way I approached things needed to change rather than anything else.

So it's this that I want to chat through with you today with the outcome being in this episode that maybe you'll listen and observe yourself that you might start to see patterns in your behavior, in behaviors that are holding you back and change your thought process and change your mindset around these things so that you can go on to become fit and healthy, free yourself from the shackles of your unhealthy habits and feel free, find the freedom to love yourself again, get fit and healthy and really enjoy your life.

When your mindsets all wrong you struggle.

But the problem with your mindset being all wrong is that you don't actually know your mindset is, is holding you back until somebody says it to you.

You don't actually know that the thoughts you're having without thinking about them.

The autopilot thoughts, the thoughts that just put us on autopilot all throughout our day are producing outcomes, outcomes that we don't necessarily want to have.

So when we start to look at these thoughts that we're having and understand that they're not facts and that they might be holding us back, we then get to change that pattern to go on to have new mindsets, new thoughts, new, empowering beliefs, new, empowering stories that we tell ourselves that will help us shift and change our identity so that we can become successful in the thing that it is that we want to do.

For example, what normally happens.

Let's, let's let's call a client that I have.


Now, Joan is um she feels overweight, she's unfit, she's uncomfortable in her clothes and she feels really stressed out and anxious.

She feels really bad about herself.

Her clothes are tight.

Her self-confidence has taken a knock and she doesn't recognize herself when she looks in the mirror.

She hates how she appears in photographs and she doesn't believe that her outer self reflects who she really is.

She feels really down about her weight, however, she feels like she's going around in circles.

Now, Joan believes that she has to give up everything that she loves in order to lose weight and become fit and healthy.

She views exercise as a chore.

She hates it.

So she doesn't do anything about it because she doesn't want to have all that negativity on her already tough life.

So she stays stuck.

Now in this scenario, what is normally going on underneath is that Joan has a mindset of a lack of self love.

She has a self loathing mindset.

She doesn't love herself anymore, negative events or trauma that she has been through, um, life events, menopause, hormonal changes.

All the stuff that we go through as women has had such a knock on effect that her mindset is one of self loathing.

And when we have a lack of self loathing most of the time, we don't really know.

We have it.

We can only see the symptoms and symptoms of a self loathing mindset can be overeating, scrolling on your phone, staying up too late, seeking comfort outside of yourself, drinking too much alcohol, taking only the time left at the end of the day for yourself having zero boundaries.

Anything you do schedule for yourself is really movable.

Being that if somebody asks you to do something at a time that you had something scheduled for yourself, you generally say yes and you push what you were going to go, what you were going to do for yourself down the road.

You work when you're not supposed to be working, you cancel on yourself frequently.

You use the weighing skills you diet, you restrict your food, you are very hard on yourself.

You have a very strong negative inner critic.

You're very stressed out, you're anxious and you're a people pleaser.

The mindset of not loving yourself is often referred to self loathing or self hatred.

It involves having negative and critical feelings and thoughts about oneself, resulting in a lack of self esteem, self-worth and self compassion.

Now, this mindset has a significant impact on one's mental and emotional well-being and can hinder personal growth and the ability to make healthy choices.

Addressing self loathing and promoting self-love is critical for overall mental and physical health.

Now, isn't that crazy?

In the 20 years, I was canceling on myself and dieting and restricting my food and jumping up and down on the weighing scales and not getting anywhere.

All those years, I was doing that.

I thought I wasn't motivated enough.

I wasn't disciplined enough or I wasn't following a program or a correct program.

So I would switch programs.

I would switch my style of exercise.

I would switch my diet.

I would weigh myself more.

Never for a second.

Did I think it was because I had a self loathing mindset.

It's only now in hindsight when I look back, I realized I had a self loathing mindset and I hated myself.

I used to call myself big and fat and disgusting and ugly on a daily basis.

Well, you can't motivate yourself through self hatred.

You can't push yourself to a workout based on hate.

You might temporarily, but it's very difficult to keep it up.

So all those years, I had a self hatred mindset, a self loathing mindset.

It makes sense to me now that because I disliked myself so much, I wasn't going to make time for myself.

Of course, I was going to cancel on myself.

And of course, if I had feelings of self loathing, I was going to comfort myself through food.

Of course, I was going to be anxious and stressed out because I was making no time for myself and because I was making no time for myself, of course, I was going to be anxious and stressed out and because I was anxious and stressed out, I was going to overeat and because I was overeating, I was going to be overweight and because I was overweight, I was going to feel bad in myself.

So I was probably going to scroll on my phone more and talk really negatively to myself.

All these symptoms that have knock-on effects to each other.

All stemming from a mindset, not from a lack of will or want or desire, not from a lack of knowing what to do.

However, the way the weight loss industry has us believe is that they tell you that what you're doing is wrong and you need to do this instead.

Whereas for most of us, it's not that we don't know what to do.

It's that our mindsets are holding us back.

And the wonderful thing about realizing that your mindset is holding you back is that you don't have to do anything more other than change how you're viewing things.

And that simple switch makes life easy.

It makes things easy.

You, I'm not telling you, you have to add another workout.

You have to lift heavier weights, you have to restrict your food.

You just need a mindset switch you need to go from a self loathing mindset to a self loving mindset.

And I'm going to show you how to do that at the end of this episode.

Isn't that wonderful that you can just have a mindset shift when I had a mindset shift.

When I went from self loathing to self loving, my whole life changed, my life became great.

I got a quality of life that I didn't even know existed.

And the knock on effect, the benefit, the side effect, I dropped three stone, the dream outcome that I had always wanted to lose weight.

I was going around in circles.

I was never achieving that goal.

It was only until I dropped that goal and started working on my self-love.

Did I actually go on to become healthy?

I want to run through a couple of other mindsets that may be holding you back.

And if you're listening to this episode, see, can you recognize any of your mindsets, your thinking patterns, your thought patterns in this?

And if you can maybe make a little mental note or jot it down on a pen and paper and think, ok, well, that's the mindset that I'm going to watch out for because observation is a, is a really important part of change.

Observing and recognizing that you actually have one of these mindsets, that one of these mindsets is actually holding you back.

So aside from self loathing another mindset that can hold you back is all or nothing thinking.

And this mindset leaves people to believe that if they can't do something perfectly, then what's the point of doing anything at all?

It can discourage small, gradual changes and lead to a lack of consistency in healthy habits.

Now, I'm going to put my hand up right here.

I've been all or nothing all my life until a few years ago I would focus on dieting and restricting.

And the second a day in my week didn't go, well, maybe I would sit down and have three packets of crisps because you can't just have one.


So that would, that would be me off track.

That would be me saying that's it.

I've ruined everything.

If I skipped a workout, that would be me off track.

If I couldn't work out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I would not dream of doing a workout on Friday.

What would be the point in that total all or nothing?

Thinking it wasn't until I consciously became aware that I had an all or nothing mindset.

I realized how much it was holding me back.

You can never become consistent with an all or nothing mindset ever.

That's a fact.

It's not until I dropped that and realized that it's ok to do what you can any time.

And it doesn't matter if you haven't worked out all the way up through to Saturday, you can still do a workout on Saturday and still be healthy.

You can have three ice creams on a Wednesday night and still wake up on Thursday and have a healthy breakfast.

You can go mental at the weekend and eat your way through the weekend and still wake up and do a workout on Monday.

You can have five biscuits with your colleagues in work at lunch time and still come home in the evening, have a healthy dinner and make dinner your last meal.

Another mindset that holds people back is a self critical mindset, self criticism.

A mindset of self criticism involves constantly putting yourself down, leading to low self esteem and a lack of self-care.

Now, this can stop people from engaging in healthy habits.


Because they're constantly giving out to themselves and think about it.

If your friend was constantly giving out to herself, why would she want to go and exercise and eat healthy?

Or if you're doing a workout and you're telling yourself how unfit you are all throughout that workout as opposed to going.

Oh, I'm so proud of myself.

I can't believe I'm getting back on my workouts.

You're not going to want to work out.

If you are constantly picking holes in what you do, you're not really making it very easy for yourself to show up.

Are you, why would you want to show up to something that you feel really bad at tearing yourself down can become really common?

I notice I do this the whole time and I have to stop myself when I'm engaging in a new hobby or I go and play badminton for the evening.

I noticed there a few months ago I did a badminton session and I, I spent the first half of the session just critiquing myself really negatively.

Like God, you're so bad, God, you're making a show of yourself.

And then about halfway through, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a second.

I have not stopped tearing myself down since the moment I walked into this hall and I said to myself, Jessica, you're a beginner, let yourself off the hook and have fun.

It doesn't matter what people think.

And the second half of the, of the badminton game was so fun and I really enjoyed myself and I stopped apologizing to everybody around me, the people I was hitting the shuttlecock to and my partner, I stopped apologizing for every shot that went not so well.

And I just, I'm sure everybody around me relaxed more as well.

The next mindset is a victim mentality where you blame every single thing, but you never look at yourself.

So people with a victim mindset can often feel that it's just their external circumstances or other people that are to blame and it makes it challenging for them to take responsibility for their well being.

Now victim mentality sounds like all the fault is on the person with the victim mentality.

It sounds really harsh.

But if you think about it.

It's just a lack of awareness and this has been me, you think to yourself you can't get your workouts in and you blame your boss, your family and everybody around you.

It's not until you take responsibility for every single thing that's happening in your life that you're actually able to make change.

And if you on autopilot, spend your day blaming everybody around you, you're not a bad person, you're human, you just are so busy, it's become your default to blame everybody around you.

And I really encourage you if this is you to dig a little bit deep, go a little bit deeper into what's holding you back.

So for example, blaming your boss for giving you um hours that are too tough or contacting you all the whole time, keep drilling down into how you can take responsibility for that.

Did you set the expectation at the start?

Do you reply to emails when they come in?

Do you check your emails when you aren't working and try and find ways that you can take responsibility?

And when you do, you're going to feel really free.

I spent many years blaming all my circumstances when I was overweight and really unhealthy and drinking too much alcohol and comfort, eating on the couch every night.

I blamed everything.

And I remember one night sitting on the couch and thinking, oh my God, I've created this.

I remember it was winter night.

It was really cozy.

I was eating my fourth chocolate bar and it just hit me.

It just came to me.

I've created this.

This is my life.

I'm the creator of my circumstances.

And in that moment, I felt like I had taken all my power back every single thing in my life that I was doing right then.

And there were a result of me and I took responsibility and my life started to change.

The next mindset that might be holding you back is instant gratification.

Becoming really aware that you rely on instant gratification to feel better is really, really cool.

And let me give you a little example.

I was sitting at my desk last week at home and I was thinking I need something sweet.

I need something sweet right now.

And then I sat there for a minute and I said, ok, what's really going on here?

And I thought I'm stressed out, I'm stressed out and I want to change the way I'm feeling.

So therefore I want to have something sweet.

I thought to myself, well, look, if I really want something sweet, I'll have it later because if I have it now, I'm just looking for instant gratification and you know what guys, it sounds cracked but it worked.

Oh, and the old me wouldn't have believed me, but it worked.

I realized I was anxious and I realized I wanted to change how I was feeling.

Something that I used to get alcohol to do for me the whole time.

So I decided to stick with my feelings and tell myself it was ok that everything was going to be ok.

I somehow managed to unwind myself and not have the sweet thing.

And boy, did that improve my confidence.

No end.

Couldn't believe it, couldn't believe it.

Fear of change is another mindset that is holding you back.

A fear based mindset can make you resistant to change even if you know it's for your own good, it can prevent you from adopting healthy habits.

This is a real subtle one.

You have to really watch out for it.

Are you afraid of change?

Are you afraid of becoming fit and healthy?

Are you afraid of having to explain yourself?

Are you afraid of standing out from the crowd?

Are you afraid of not getting on with people so?

Well, if you change, do you bond with people over talking about those slimming clubs?

Do you bond with people over unhealthy habits?

And what's it going to be like for you if you change?

I always find this mindset, a really subtle one.

You have to really watch out for it and analyze your behavior to know if you are afraid of change.

If that, if that mindset holds you back and guys, this can be so subtle, you can purchase a fitness program or like purchase a program that you know, could change your life.

And the 10 seconds afterwards.

It only takes 10 seconds.

You can already be convincing yourself of all the reasons why it won't work for you.

Has that ever happened to you?

It happens to me all the time.

Now, I know to sit there and think that's ok.

You're just afraid of change.

That's ok.

That's your all or nothing mindset.

Coming back in these behaviors, these mindsets will, will always be there.

They'll quieten and they'll get less and we can change our mindsets.

But when we're tired, our old way of thinking might come back a little bit.

So it's just up to us to catch ourselves in that moment and think that's ok.

I'm just afraid of change.

Keep on going.

You're doing a great job again.

It just comes back to that self-love.


I hate that expression, peace.

But I couldn't think of anything better to say.

It does come back to self-love.

Do you love yourself?

Do you treat yourself kindly?

Do you talk to yourself compassionately?

If you do, these are the moments you need to talk to yourself kindly in perfectionist mindset can really hold you back.

Unrealistic high standards causes stress when something causes you stress, you don't want to do it a negative self image.

If you have a negative self image and you are very critical of yourself and that's the way you motivate yourself, that's never going to last.

And you're going to go around in circles.

Like if you have spurts of self loathing.

Like you get to a point where you dislike your body so much that you'll work out for a while.

Does that ever happen to you?

And have you ever wondered why you can't keep it up?

It's because you've started to feel a little bit better so that you don't bother anymore because your rock bottom is gone.

Rock bottoms can't keep you motivated.

A poor self-image isn't motivation.

It's a poor self-image and you're never going to get where you want to be with a poor self-image.

You need a good self-image.

You need confidence, compassion, kindness, a gentle voice, talking to yourself and guiding you.

And the last one is a fixed mindset believing that you are just the way you are and that you can't change that your abilities and traits are fixed and unchangeable and notice this creeping in when you say to yourself, I've always been like that.

I'm never going to change that.

Is you having a fixed mindset.

So, do you recognize yourself in any of that?

And if you do the really cool thing is you don't have to go out and do more, more, more.

You don't have to diet more.

You don't have to give up the things you love.

You don't have to cut out carbs.

You don't have to work out for hours at a day.

You need to change your mindset and you don't have to go and do a course on this.

You can change your mindset by practicing it throughout the day and this is how to change your mindset.

This is what's worked for me.

Number one, you have to become aware of the mindsets that are holding you back.

The biggest, most important step in the whole thing.

Becoming aware if all you did was become aware of the mindsets that were holding you back and you didn't actively try and change, you would naturally change.

It's the coolest thing.

You've just started a program, you've purchased it, you're on day one and you think, well, I can't work out this week because I'm sick.

So, what's the point?

The difference is that you'll say to yourself, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on a second.

That's my all or nothing mindset coming into play.

I'm sick and I'm not.

Well, and I'm going to start the program next week.

Or you start a program, you decide you want to become fit and healthy and you press purchase and you start and you're on day four and you start to say to yourself, you're never going to finish it.

You're always really bad at these things.

You've never finished anything before.

You say, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a fixed mindset.

That's me believing I can't change and I can't do things differently.

You've started a program, you're on day seven and you're berating yourself for how unfit you are.

You think, whoa, that's my self criticism mindset coming into play.

We don't do that any more.

That's an old mindset that's holding me back.

You can do this, keep it slow and steady and go at your own pace.

Becoming aware of the mindsets that are holding you back is life-changing after you've become aware of them.

Just the way I gave you the example there.

Challenge it, recognize it, say it out loud if it helps and then challenge it and say we don't do that anymore.

We don't do all or nothing.

We do what we can when we can or that's a growth mindset.

I recognize that now that's a fixed mindset.

I can change really challenging.

Having an empowering alternative is going to change the game for you.

I want to wrap up this by telling you that if you are feeling stuck now, sometimes it's about changing how you look at things, changing your thought patterns, changing the limiting beliefs.

You've been telling yourself, recognizing the negative mindsets that are holding you back and if you want to change your mindset, remember the three step process.

Number one is to recognize the mindset that's, that's being played out, observe it, challenges and come up with an empowering alternative.

So just like that example that I used, you're starting on your fitness program, you're working out, you're giving out to yourself that you're overweight, that you're fat, that you're unfit.

Now, there's so many negative mindsets that that could be, it could be a poor self-image mindset.

A self critical mindset, self loathing mindset, recognize it and say, hang on a second.

That's a poor self-image mindset.

We don't do that any more.

I'm doing the best I can.

I love myself.

I speak to myself kindly and you move on and you continue with your workout.

All you have to do is go throughout your day practicing that.

And sometimes the best times to practice are when we switch back to our old default negative mindsets.

And it's only a few minutes later or a day later, we realize it and we go, well, you know what, I'm glad that happened because I've learned from it and I won't let that happen again.

So don't be discouraged.

If it takes a while, you learn, you learn from, from, from the mistakes, you learn from.

Um every time you go to the default negative mindset is an opportunity for you to change and to grow.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this episode.

If you could do me the wonderful favor, I would appreciate it so much of rating my podcast on the platform where you listen to your podcasts.

I would really, really appreciate it.

Have a wonderful day.

And thank you so much for listening.

I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode and you must let me know by getting in touch.

Don't forget you can head on over to Jessica Cook dot IE where you'll find lots of free stuff to get you started on your journey.

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About the author 

Jessica Cooke

I love drinking coffee, and my favourite thing in life (apart from my family) is to help women to get fit and break free from unhealthy habits holding them back. (oh, and also I love playing with my two Miniature Schnauzers, Buster and Ozzy)

I’ve now supported over 6,779 women over 14 years in my Thrive Coaching Program get fit and break free from unhealthy habits!