Today, I’m diving into a heartfelt email from Emma, who’s 50 years old and struggling with anxiety that’s become overwhelming.
She’s asking for guidance on easing into fitness, as she knows exercise can help but feels paralysed by fear of failing. Emma’s concerns reflect what many women go through, so let’s unpack this and offer practical, supportive advice.
Here’s Emma’s email:
"Dear Jessica, I’m 50 and I’ve always been pretty good at handling stress, but lately my anxiety has become unmanageable. I feel constantly on edge, like there’s always something bad about to happen, even when things are fine. This has been affecting my sleep, my mood, and my ability to focus during the day.
I’ve heard a lot about how exercise can help with anxiety, but I’m not sure where to start. Honestly, the thought of starting a fitness routine adds to my anxiety because I’m afraid I won’t stick to it, or that I’ll fail at it, like I’ve failed with other routines before.
What’s the best way to ease into fitness when you’re dealing with anxiety? How do I stop worrying that I’m not doing enough?
I want to feel calmer, stronger, and more in control, but I just don’t know how to get there.
Sincerely, Emma."
First off, Emma, I’m so glad you reached out. Anxiety is a challenging, complex experience that affects so many aspects of life, but I want you to know you’re not alone. Your situation is entirely normal, and you can get through it—just like I did.
My Experience with Anxiety
Emma, I relate so deeply to what you’re feeling. In my twenties, I went through a similar period of extreme anxiety. Panic attacks hit me out of nowhere—I remember one particularly terrifying moment on the Underground in 2005. For years, I battled panic attacks and general anxiety that affected every part of my life, from my relationships to my physical health. I’d developed stress-induced asthma, eczema, and even tonsillitis from the tension my body was holding.
Back then, I didn't have the tools to manage anxiety properly.
I’d eat for comfort, drink too much alcohol, and generally feel out of control, like life was happening to me rather than me steering the ship.
But I learned, and I healed. It’s possible. Now I’m here to share what’s helped me, and what can help you too.
Breaking the Anxiety Cycle
Emma, anxiety makes everything feel harder—especially starting something new, like fitness. But let’s take this in two steps. First, let’s look at managing your anxiety day-to-day, and then we’ll talk about how to start exercising without it feeling like another overwhelming task.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Anxiety
You’ve done the hardest part already: admitting you’re struggling and reaching out for help. Speaking up about anxiety is powerful. Keeping it locked inside often makes it feel scarier, so don’t hesitate to tell others when you’re feeling anxious.
Talk to your partner, a friend, or even write it down. It’s important to separate yourself from the anxiety—don’t label yourself as “an anxious person.” Instead, you’re experiencing anxiety.
It’s a temporary state, not who you are.
Step 2: Eliminate What’s Making Anxiety Worse
Now let’s look at what might be contributing to your anxiety. In my experience, certain habits make everything worse, and once you address them, anxiety often eases up.
- Caffeine: While I adore my morning coffee, too much caffeine can send anxiety through the roof. Try cutting back to one or two cups a day, and don’t drink it after lunch.
- Alcohol: I used to drink to relax, but in reality, alcohol increases anxiety. That first glass might feel like relief, but the anxiety that follows can last days. Try limiting alcohol, especially during the week, and see how much better you feel.
- Sugar: Comfort eating is another easy trap. I used to eat sweets and biscuits to self-soothe, but sugar causes a spike and crash that leaves you feeling jittery and anxious. Reducing sugar can help keep your mood steady.
- Phone Scrolling & News: It’s tempting to endlessly scroll on your phone or check bad news, but it’s a cycle that amplifies anxiety. Be mindful of how much time you spend on your phone and try setting boundaries
Start noticing these patterns and gradually reduce them. It won’t happen overnight, but each small step will help you feel more in control.
Step 3: Add in What Makes You Feel Better
Now, let’s flip the script. Instead of focusing only on what to cut out, what can you add to feel better? Think of yourself as an athlete preparing to face an opponent—anxiety.
You’ve got control over your habits, and small, daily actions can help you win the fight.
- Healthy Eating: Eating nourishing, unprocessed foods will give you energy and balance your mood. It doesn’t have to be perfect—just focus on small changes. Every meal, ask yourself: am I nourishing myself?
- Hydration: Drink water, lots of it! Dehydration can make you irritable and anxious, so keep a water bottle nearby and sip throughout the day.
- Sleep: You mentioned struggling with sleep. This can be a vicious cycle—poor sleep makes anxiety worse, and anxiety makes it harder to sleep. Try creating a strict bedtime routine: lights out at a set time, no screens in bed, and no getting up for extra snacks or distractions. Think of bedtime as “rest time,” rather than stressing about whether you fall asleep right away.
Easing Into Fitness
Now onto exercise—yes, it’s absolutely going to help with your anxiety.
Working out reduces cortisol and adrenaline (those pesky stress hormones) while boosting endorphins, which make you feel great. But I get that starting a new routine can feel daunting. So, let’s keep it simple.
Commit to the Outcome
Don’t focus on failing at a routine. Instead, commit to the outcome—reducing stress and anxiety. Once you’re committed to the outcome, it’s okay if you don’t get it right every week.
You’ll learn what works for you as you go along, and it’s okay to have off days. The key is not to give up—just get back on track the next day.
Morning Workouts Are Key
Because exercise lowers stress hormones, doing it in the morning can set you up for a calmer day.
Even if it’s just a 10-minute walk to start, moving your body early can have a big impact. I recommend aiming for three proper workouts a week—low-impact interval training mixed with strength training.
This will help build lean muscle, improve bone density, and release those mood-boosting endorphins.
Strength training is especially effective for anxiety. Lifting weights (even light ones) has been shown to reduce stress and make you feel more capable and in control.
Combine it with low-impact interval training—30 seconds on, 10 seconds off—and you’ll feel stronger, both mentally and physically.
Embrace Imperfection
Remember, it’s okay to have weeks where you don’t work out at all. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Progress isn’t linear—what matters is that you keep going. There will be days when you want to give up, but get a good night’s sleep, rest, and try again tomorrow.
In Conclusion
The journey to feeling calmer, stronger, and more in control isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence. Start small, be kind to yourself, and keep the bigger picture in mind.
You’ve got this, Emma. And if you ever feel like you’re slipping, just remember—you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and you can get through this too.
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All my love,
Jessica Cooke