Life is different for all of us, but the same in the sense that we all go through highs and lows. The lows can be horrendous and can come about through divorce, poor mental health, addiction, death, illness, a sudden loss, financial trouble. For me, it was a nervous breakdown, it took me a long time to get myself out of a very bad place to where I am now. I know the steps that are required to bring yourself back up, when you’re ready, and start taking care of yourself. I meet many women on a daily basis that have been through or are going through hell, and the recovery process is always the same. It’s black and white, there’s no grey area.
Sometimes it’s not the right time to move to the recovery stage. You may still be right in the thick of it, and the time is just wrong for you. You know when you’re ready. When you’re so sick of feeling a certain way and have gone through the grieving process of whatever you’ve gone through, you know you’re ready.
In the dark times, a dependence on alcohol, lack of exercise, bad food choices, lack of sleep, dependance on medication, can all start to become your new habits. They can escalate and get out of control. I’ve been there, it’s hell. Because you’re already going through hell and this just adds a whole new extra layer of hell that brings about low confidence, low self-esteem, a feeling of failure, feeling groggy, sweaty and horrible from the alcohol, a hatred for the mornings. I actually still am quite fearful of the mornings sometimes, they remind me so much of the feelings I used to get when I woke up, dread and shame and the thought that I had to do it all over again.
When you’re ready to change, you know you’re ready. You literally pick a date on the calender, and that date will mark a new chapter in your life, and it’ll also be the day you start to feel horrendous, from the withdrawals from bad food or alcohol. You rid your house of all wine, or biscuits/cakes/bad stuff, whatever it is.
You commit to exercise, and this will be hell. You’re muscles will be sore, you’ll feel so unfit, because you’ll be facing up to the truth.
You’ll get massive headaches, feel so irritable, tired and cranky. But you’ve committed. You’ll start to drink 2 litres of water every day. You’ll go to bed at 10:30pm, and not sleep a wink, because you’re body will be adjusting like crazy. You’ll wake up feeling worse. Your mind will be racing, you’ll feel so sweaty and horrible. The pits.
You’ll have 3 meals and 2 snacks, sipping on water all day. You’ll journal, go for fresh air, and try and calm your mind. You’ll feel like hell for a week, maybe two. And then the breakthrough will happen. You’ll start to sleep better, the headaches will go, you’ll stop sweating. You’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror. Your clothes will start to feel good, your mind will calm.
This is when you’ve got to come up with your rules of engagement going forward for your new life. These are mine:
Eat clean/healthy 5 days per week (no processed/take aways/sugar etc)
Alcohol limited to once per week, on a Friday or Saturday (sometimes on occasion two per week )
Workouts… 3 per week at least.. Resistance training with interval training always. Biggest release of dopamine, best for building muscle mass and leaves you feeling so capable and good
Fresh air.. Most days per week
Journal on week days
Water, 2 litres every day
Read a good growth book that will work on your mindset
Always have goals and action steps
Hope this helps, Jessica X
Thank you for sharing Jessica, your words are very valuable to so many women. It’s such an empowering moment when you decide to stop your suffering and break free, in my case it was getting healthy and fit, I was sick and tired of being tired and moody, all because very little sleep, self esteem issues and some other “stuff”. My mind was working against me and I have had enough. I’m working daily on becoming the best version of myself for me, my kids and the rest of the world. It’s a process during which I fell in love with exercise and healthy eating. And of course they are lows sometimes ( life likes to throw a curve ball every now and then) but I have equipped myself with tools that help me deal with things which not that long ago would knock me down.
Thank you for creating such a great community in which women can feel safe and understood
Hi Kasia, thank you so much for your comments, it means a lot, and really lovely to hear that you feel that about what I’m working hard to create. Well done, its not easy to change and break free, but when you do…. ahhhh life is so so much better. Well done Kasia X