#108: How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

Hi, how are you doing?

Welcome to this latest podcast episode and as always, thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate every single one of you that listens to my podcast. Thank you so much. So, without further ado, let's get stuck into this latest episode where I want to give you step by step, guide to losing weight. I think it's really important to focus on being strong and fit and healthy. However, I want to talk to you today in particular, if you struggle with your weight, I want to give you really simple tips on what not to do and what to do so you can go forth and conquer.

First off, want to remind you if you're listening to this podcast episode and you are overweight. I want to remind you of how painful it is to be overweight. I was overweight for years. I was three stone overweight for a long time. And then I spent nearly all of my adult life fluctuating and I used to, I used to always be losing weight. That was my ultimate goal in life to lose weight. I felt so bad about myself. Uh, the heaviest I got to was when I was three stone overweight. That was back when I came back from Paris also after, when Emily was born. Um, but between those times I fluctuated up and down, always up and down, up and down, I was never at a consistent weight and every single action step I took on a day to day basis was to do with my weight picture.

So I used to like, wake up in the morning and the first thing that I used to do was, like, feel my stomach for how flatter or bigger it felt. Then I would go and have a shower and wash myself in the shower and feel how fat I felt. Then I would go and dry myself, feeling really fat, put on clothes, feel really fat. Talk to myself about how gross my clothes felt, how tight my jeans were. Um, and because I felt so bad about myself. I didn't really spend very much time on my face or on my hair making myself feel nice. Um, some of you might relate to this when you're overweight, you don't even want to look in the mirror. Well, I felt like this anyway.

You don't even want to be looking in the mirror, fixing your hair or putting on makeup or an ice cream on your face. Like you feel that bad, you just, you just want to move on when you get dressed, you just want to move on as quickly as possible. Um Then I would go have my breakfast feel fat. Probably what I ate the night before would determine if my breakfast, what my breakfast was like how tiny it would be. I would generally under eat in the morning time to make up for all the food that I ate the night before that I would get in the car and just feel these rolls of fat as I sat into the car. You know, I wasn't thinking, oh, it's a lovely day. Look at the birds out there. I was thinking, oh my God, my stomach, my jeans um putting my seatbelt on.

I would feel like shit sitting in the car and my day would go on like that. I would be stressed out at lunchtime because I would be thinking about, well, what am I going to eat? That's going to help me lose weight and not feel so fat because you know, right. If you're listening to this and you're overweight or you were overweight, you like, you think that the changes that you are going to like you, sorry, you think that the changes you're going to make in that moment are going to help you lose weight. Like, for example, if you're feeling overweight, you've eaten loads of night before you are overweight anyway, you're going, you're thinking like, well, look, I'll just have a salad with no dressing and you wouldn't dream of having a sandwich because you're making the action based on how you're feeling and you're feeling so bad.

Oh, that was me and around and around. I went and I would obsess about my dinner and I would try not to overeat and portions, but then I would overeat in portions and then I couldn't even hear the words. No, like no, wouldn't even leave my mouth if Joe said like, you know, do you want to get some treats or do you want an ice cream? The thought it was. Yes, it was just. Yes. Yes, I'm overweight. Fuck it. Why not? Um It governs your every waking moment for a lot of OK, it governed my, every waking moment when I was very overweight and it impacted every single part of my day. Not only was my self esteem at rock bottom.

My confidence at rock bottom, I felt so ugly and so fat and so disgusting and because of those feelings, I just wanted to eat more and I didn't see a way out and when you're in that position, like, all I thought about was eating, restricting calorie counting, um, weighing myself, like, looking back to fix the issue. I just got obsessed about food. Like, obsessed about food. I've been thinking about not having dressings on my salad. I would be thinking about cutting out carbs and looking back now, obviously, that's crazy. Right. Like it's, it's absolutely crazy. There's so many ways to lose weight and, and restricting your food just never works. However, I think because we're women and it's been pushed down our throat, all these diet plans and especially if you grew up in the era of magazine culture where it was just what this person eats in a day, what this person eats in a day, which I still, I despise when I see that on social media.

I don't think anybody should be sharing what they eat in a day or even their food. I just think the whole thing is just crazy. This whole food thing is just crazy. Oh my God, she's eating that. Maybe I should eat that. Oh my God, I should eat this because she's not eating that whatever it is. It's just so triggering. So, oh, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent, but I'm just trying to remind you if you're listening to this and you're over and you're overweight. I want to remind you of how painful it is to be overweight. And if you've never experienced being overweight before, you can sometimes take the really judgmental view that we're taking the easy way out, that we're not working out, that we're lazy, that we're just eating too much. And my God, it's the hard way, like it's really difficult to be overweight.

You feel really unfit, really sluggish, really tired all the time. You definitely don't want to be overweight and, you know, people are judging you and it's the last thing you want to be you who wants to be overweight. Um, but I think sometimes people forget that sometimes and they can just get very judgmental. Um, now I look at people or if they talk to me about the fact they're overweight um, on myself too. I understand now that they're stressed out or that they're anxious or that there is clearly something else going on in the background. However, I never used to think that about myself. I didn't give it too much thought. I always just thought of the surface problem, like you're overweight, you're eating too much food.

And I never really got to the thought that I was overweight because of the fact that I was really stressed out and anxious and eventually when I went to about it the long way and I discovered that I actually needed to reduce my stress and anxiety. Um Did I go on to lose weight and keep it off for good. And that's something that I want absolutely for you to lose weight and keep it off for good. The first step to losing weight and keeping it off for good is that you really do have to give up the diet mentality. You're really not going to lose weight and keep it off forever if you have 1 ft in and 1 ft out, if you're kind of stuck in a slimming. Well, I don't want to name them but like a weight loss club, um, mentality.

And yet you're also going to try at breaking free from them. It's not going to work because your belief system, there's something still there within you that believes that stuff works and it doesn't work. It's a false economy. It's just there to keep you stuck and keep you trapped from being healthy and from listening to your own body. Think about it, like giving the power to somebody who is going to tell you the recipes you can have and what you can have and what you can't have. Who wants that? Who wants to be told what they can and can't eat every day? It's absolutely cracked. Or you have to follow this slim plan. Um, and you'll lose weight. It's just absolutely bananas. So, first things first, get rid of the diet mentality and understand that the diets don't work that you diet. I think the average diet lasts three weeks and you pile all the way back on again. If that happened to you, that happened to me just in cycles, it might last a little bit longer, but it always went back on. So, remember that diets don't work calorie.

Counting, in my opinion also gets you stuck in a counting cycle. And I think anything that you need to count is, is, is not good for you. I don't think you need to spend your days counting the calories of your food. And I think if you do, it's my belief that you're trapped, that you're stuck. And I want you to get out of being stuck and being controlled. And I want you to go on to feel really good and fit and healthy and feel amazing in your clothes because of your decisions in your life. So if you were to park the diet mentality and go right? OK. I'm never going to diet again. Um Then step number one is to get out your pen and paper and to make a really, really good plan. I do this thing with my clients called the five step framework PMS.

And we all have action steps based on the PM five step framework, your physical fitness, your accountability and support your hydration, your self care and your mental health. So I want to give you some tips for you getting started on your weight loss journey. Uh So the first tip is to get rid of the diet mentality. Second tip is to focus on the unhealthy habits that you are doing with in terms of your nutrition. For example, if you're eating after dinner, late at night, that's got to be knocked on the head. If you are, um, eating rubbish throughout the day, you've got to knock that on the head. How do you knock that on the head?

So you have to figure out why you are eating shit during the day when you know it's, it's just making you feel like shit and you have to figure out why you're eating food after dinner. And the most common answer is that people have a sweet tooth, however, is a sweet tooth is that your decision like you're going to stay overweight because you have a sweet tooth. No, there is a deeper reason why you're overweight. If you're not willing, if you're overweight and you hate being overweight, you hate it, but you're not willing to give up eating something sweet after dinner. Then there's in my opinion, two things going on. One, you don't want to lose weight that badly, which is totally fine. Of course, or two, you're in denial about what's really going on if you, if you cannot stop eating after dinner, what is going on? Are you super stressed out?

Are you super anxious like something else is going on and you have to figure that out for you to lose weight, you can follow all the diet plans in the world, all the calorie counting in the world, you can grasp all of your willpower and it might last for three weeks. And I always find like when people have a big event coming up, you know, that kind of willpower where you're going to a wedding and you're like, ok, I've got to lose this £7 this one stone you can do it, but that's willpower alone. And willow doesn't keep you slim for the year. Will power doesn't keep you trim, lean, fit healthy.

So you my friend you need to figure out why you are overeating and that is a long process. Don't be annoyed with yourself if you don't figure it out. Straight away. Most of you listening to these podcast episodes know that my relationship with alcohol and I finally gave up alcohol. Um May 1st of May 2022 and um I spent years over drinking and not knowing why I was over drinking. Now, I, now I fully know why I was over drinking and it was the same reason why I was overeating and comfort, eating and eating late at night and eating shit as the same reasons. And it wasn't until I really got serious about becoming healthy that I was forced to look at the reasons why I was over drinking and overeating. So I know it's not a quick fix. However, you will find the most beautiful inner peace and calm and contentment and consistency.

If you, if you focus on this, so ignore everybody around you that just tells you to diet, your way to being trim, you need to mental health, your way to being trim. Ok? Um So if that was enough for you, if that was enough of a step for you, leave it at this, I mean, you can listen to the rest of the episode but like that's huge if, if you're listening to me now and you're like, oh my God, I've been dieting for the past five years and actually, I'm really stressed out and anxious or there's something that happened in my childhood or my past that I never really came to terms with and that's really in the background bothering me and it's why I'm eating. So if you've just kind of come to that realization, that's a really cool realization.

So from here, you can either choose to go to therapy or you can choose to start journaling and doing a little bit of reflection and doing a bit of um of journaling as to the reasons why you're overeating and how you can heal whatever is going on. And that's going to open up so many huge things for you. Like with me, some of the reasons why I was drinking and overeating was because I was really stressed out and anxious. So when I figured out that I was actually a really stressed and anxious person, I discovered why I was really stressed out and anxious. So then I was thinking to myself, OK, so how do I become less stressed out and anxious? How do I get more peace and calm in my life? So that's going to be different for all of us listening to this. However, for me, it was like, OK, so one of the ways I can reduce my stress and anxiety is to improve on my boundaries. So get some boundaries up. The next thing that I can do to reduce stress and anxiety is to streamline my business and to be less busy and more productive. And then the next is that I get the basics right?

I drink water. I work out, I get fresh air. I start making more time with myself. I start improving self care and I do something with my clients called thrive time. We do a 10 minute practice four days a week and that is, has just been transformational for my mental health and for helping me develop peace and calm. It was from this place of peace and calm that I started to eat less and I started to make dinner my last meal. And I was for the first time in my life, able to not eat shit during the week. So I obviously can't say all that in an Instagram reel. Um but that's how to lose weight if you're struggling with your weight.

If you are eating for reasons other than just overeating, which obviously most of us are so to nail the food, to get the food right. It's a healing process and a journey for a lot of us. Um And then when you, when you figure out the unhealthy things that are holding you back, then you can focus on the healthy food, having a breakfast, having a lunch, having a dinner. I've noticed actually random enough for a lot of people that struggle with their, their nutrition. Uh, they tend to think that they need lots of different variations of recipes and ideas and breakfast and lunches. And I've noticed that people that are generally quite healthy, stick with the same breakfast every day. So, just a little food for thought if you're listening in and you're, and you're one of those people that tends to think that they need loads of recipes.

There's something else going on there. Now, I haven't quite figured out what that is but there is something else going on there. And I do want to remind you that you can have like porridge seven days a week or like something else, five days a week. And that's, that's really cool. Like it's ok to get into a routine with your food. Many of us have been brought up, like, with food issues. Um, for some of you, maybe your parents were a little bit weird around food and, um, it's made you think that you need loads of kind of different things going on the whole time. But I often find that keeping it simple is really, really key to good nutrition. Like a just normal breakfast, lunch, dinner, two little snacks, one in between, um, breakfast and lunch and one in between lunch and dinner and leaving it at that.

And if you can't leave it at that, figuring out why you can't leave it at that allowing yourself to have treat nights at the weekend is super important to go and live your life. Um, and following that, following that kind of plan and then tweaking it yourself, not getting somebody in a slimming club to tell you what to have for dinner. But the brief to you being that it's healthy and then listen to your body, if you cut out the unhealthy habits and you eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner with two little snacks and you lose a little bit of weight and then you can tell that you've got about a stone to go or you're still a dress size up, then it's tweaking and asking yourself like, are you eating pasta, seven nights a week?

Well, I still have a stone to lose. So clearly, I'm not in a energy deficit, which is, which is what you want to be an energy deficit. You want more energy going out than in. So you say, well, ok, well, how about if I tried eating less pasta and adding in more like vegetables, fish, potatoes, kind of a dinner. So, you would go and do that a few days a week and you'd notice that you've lost a bit of weight and then you kind of plateaued again. You're like, ok. Well, what else could I do here? Well, I've noticed, like, with my midmorning snack I'm having kind of crackers and hummus. Well, what if I just had a banana? Why don't I see what that change would bring about for me and listening to your body tweaking as you go, you having all the power and control, you're not asking somebody to tell you what to eat.

You have your basic guidelines and you're healing your relationship with food and then you're tweaking, you're tweaking, tweaking, you've got your lovely pair of jeans that you're squeezing into. They haven't quite fitting you yet and you wear them the whole time and you're able to see if the actions you're taking around the food are working. Your jeans are either getting looser or they're getting tighter. And that to me is how you work on the nutrition. If you are a normal woman who is not training to be an athlete and you don't need to know your macros and your calories and all that sort of stuff and you just want to be healthy and fit and feel good in your clothes and lift your best. You live your best life, then that's how I would tackle the food. Um, my next tip, of course, you know, I'm gonna say it strength training.

Because what strength training does is it puts your metabolism up high. Who doesn't want a high metabolism? Who doesn't want to be burning fat at rest? Isn't that just the coolest thing? You only need 90 minutes a week? That's three times a week, 30 minutes. Uh, my coaching program is full, however, you can always go onto my waitlist. Jessica Cook dot ie forward slash waitlist. That's Jessica Cook dot ie forward slash waitlist. Um And you can get really good once you do really good workouts that are all results focused for you. A woman over 40 you only need to do it three times a week for 30 minutes. Isn't that legendary? So you can either, how often do you think about being overweight if you're anything like me? It was the it was from first thing in the morning to lasting at night. So you can think about being overweight and let it affect your life from first thing in the morning to last thing at night.

Or you can work out three times a week for 90 minutes, heal your relationship with food. So you can either spend 90 minutes a week getting fit and healthy and that's also going to help your heart, help with osteoporosis, build lean muscle mass, get you really fit and strong and feel really good in your clothes forever or you cannot and you're never too old. You're never too unfit. It's never too late. Never, never. So you heal your relationship with food. You get rid of diet culture. You, you focus on your healthy habits. You tweak as you go, you do 3, 30 minutes of strength training every week. You drink two liters of water every day and then you focus on little self care action steps and little mental health action steps. But that's the main way to lose weight. You keep it easy on yourself. You be gentle on yourself. You get to a Tuesday night and you have like five packets of crisps and two bars of chocolate. Ok?

So things didn't go to plan. You got really stressed out. You dust yourself off, you dust your crumbs off, you go to bed, you brush your teeth, you go to sleep, you wake up the next day and you say today is the day I'm back off the sugar again. No shit. And that's exactly what I did on my run up to quitting alcohol. I would get drunk on a Saturday night. Wake up in the morning, dying of a hangover. Say never again, that's it. And then I would get drunk the following weekend and say that's it.

Never again until my never again was never again. And it's as simple as that. If you get really familiar with failing, if you get really familiar with being shit, you'll win, you'll win. I used to be so afraid of failure. And I used to think, and I really try and put this into my kids so much. I used to think that successful people were born successful. I used to think that fit people were naturally fit, that they had this gene inside them. And if you look at most successful people, they've come from such like difficult backgrounds or people that have become really rich. A lot of them have been super poor.

Like the transformation happens when you keep going, when things get really tough and it, it really is how many times you can get back up. And I used to see those memes and cliches on social media and go Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I know. I didn't know. No though, I didn't truly know. I didn't truly really get it. The failure was part of success. I mustn't have because every time I felt like I failed, I stopped and that's why I yo-yoed with my weight so much. You only yoyo when you're stop starting. If you're gaining and losing weight, you're stopping and starting. If you're getting fit and getting unfit, you're stopping and starting. Why are we stopping? Were stopping for some reason? Some of us are stopping because we take a knock.

We, we received feedback that were shite and we've either given ourselves that feedback or we've read something or somebody has said something and we go right. That's it. I'm shit fuck this. Don't quit. If you overeat, get up the next day, the like you having over, ate the night before means nothing. It doesn't mean that you don't want it enough. It doesn't mean you're lazy or demotivated, it doesn't mean anything. It means that you, something happened, you got really stressed out, you got really anxious and you went back to old patterns and habits. What do you expect of yourself to decide you want to lose weight and then like be this perfect specimen. If you were, you would be like an absolute trillionaire living in your own island beside Tony Robbins telling us all how to do it. Like it's not how life works.

You keep going until you get to the point where you succeeded in one my friend, you keep going. If you feel right now like you're being punched in the face repeatedly, you get up again and you allow yourself to be punched and you get up again and get up again and get up again and don't stop until you're looking behind you and all those setbacks that you suffered and all those challenges and you go, you know what I did it. Oh I actually just got a bit emotional there. Oh, look, we can do this. Ok? It doesn't matter how hard we have been knocked, we can do this, we can get up for some of us who have been knocked it, it, it makes the comeback all the sweeter, you know that it really does. If you've been knocked by somebody or somebody's torn you down or you were bullied or made, feel bad about yourself.

You keep going, my friend, you keep going because you're going to have the biggest, best life of all because you've had the best growth and you're gonna learn so much about yourself. And on top of that, you're going to have this wonderful empathetic streak. you're going to get it, you're going to understand it. Ok? I never give up on yourself. All right. Ok. Well, I'm going to wrap this up. Um I love you guys. Thanks so much for listening. I appreciate it so much. Um If you know a friend or a loved one who would love to hear this episode, you think it might be for them, I would love you for you to do me a favor and share it with them. And if you have any thoughts on this episode, I do love you guys reaching out on my Instagram.

And some of you email me, which is really nice. So, uh keep it going. I love to hear your thoughts on these podcast episodes. Which ones you like and which ones you can resonate with. So keep up the good work. Um Remember you can get on my coaching waitlist. I'm fully booked up at the moment, but you can go to jessicacooke.ie/coaching to join the waitlist.