Today's Episode


Hello and welcome to today's podcast episode, wherever you are, whether you're out walking, cleaning your house on a break from work, sitting in the car, driving your car. A big hello from me to you. And thank you so much for being here. This would be nothing without you without the wonderful community of women that we are really, really building up.

And I love it so much. And I'm so grateful to you for being here and for listening to the show. I think we just had our last weekend of sun there. What do you think the time of recording this? I think it's pretty much we're going to safely say that it was the last, a lovely heat wave has just passed and I went to Clifton and Round Stone and Dogs Bay on a Sunday trip and it was absolutely fantastic. I went with my two kids, Arthur and Emily and my husband Joe. And we just connected and laughed and ate food, healthy food and went for a swim in Dogs Bay. The sea was so clear.

We played volleyball even though it was a bit windy and the ball was really soft. So that gave us a bit of an extra workout trying to run after the ball didn't get very many volley and played a little bit of football. Arthur begged us. He's football mad at the moment. I don't know how it happened. We're not even a house of football people, Joe does not watch soccer or support any team, but Arthur just seems mad about it. It was a wonderful trip and it reminded me of my two favorite things that I love to do. One is to connect with people and to have fun and to laugh and to chat and to listen.

And my second thing is to be connected with nature. I just love it so much. I love to sit in the back garden and feel nature all around me more so than ever. I felt so close to nature yesterday. Being in Round Stone and dogs bay, dogs bay more So it was really quiet, it was really calm, the wind was just whistling around my hair and it just felt so peaceful and magical. And um it, it, it was just terrific. However, I'm excited to get stuck into this podcast episode today. And this episode is for you. If you have an unrealistic expectation of results, if you are always holding yourself back, you start a program, a fitness program or a health program and you don't see results quick enough. So you stop and you get frustrated with yourself.

I want to tell you now, I cannot begin to describe to you how often I see people holding themselves back because of this time. And again, I have met so many people, so many people, not so much now because I feel now that I get new members coming in that know a bit about my program in advance, but much more so back in the day and when I didn't have much of a following or I had no podcast. So I would get more so random people, random women that hadn't really heard about me before that wanted to join any sort of program. And, you know, they didn't really mind which one it was and I used to see it back then.

So much more this massive unrealistic expectation of results that you would start a program and all of a sudden get really annoyed and frustrated that you're not seeing results quick enough So you would just quit. And that blows my mind now. And I used to be like that too when I was three stone overweight when I was eating really unhealthy food. When I was drinking too much alcohol. When I was just going crazy. When I was shackled to all of my unhealthy habits. I used to do that too.

I used to decide on a Monday that this was it. I was finally going to lose the weight and get fit and be healthy and I would do it for a couple of days and it would, it would even be on day one. I would do a work out and I know this sounds crazy, but I would go to the mirror after having my shower and like turn to the side and look at myself from the side naked to see. Could I see any changes? Now, how funny is that, that I would like, I would do a work out and the same with food sometimes, like back in the day when I was three stone overweight. Now I fluctuated a lot, by the way, at my heaviest.

I was three stone overweight. Um, but I was, when I was, when I owned gym, I would fluctuate a lot. I mean, a lot, always up and down one or two stone. And every single time I made, I recommitted to myself again on a Monday that I was going to lose weight that this would be it by, by Wednesday, having had three days or 2.5 days of eating healthy food. Let's be honest here, restriction mode. I would again be looking in the mirror jumping on the weighing scales to see changes.

Now, I know that's cracked now because I've been through it myself and because I see II, I coach so many women now that I, I know how it goes, but that's the way I used to be all the time. I do a workout. I turn to the side, check my stomach for any reduction in fat. I would eat a salad for a couple of days at lunch time and turn to the side and check my stomach and see that I lost any fat. I would eat healthy for a week and it would feel like a year and I would get up on the weighing scales really excited and of course, I wouldn't see anything or I'd see like a pound because it's all bullshit.

Anyway, the weighing scales is an inaccurate reflection. So of course, it was going to hold me back and I would just be sent into this binge eating spiral. And I would genuinely think to myself that it wasn't working, that I was doing wasn't working. I mean, that's just so comical. However many years I spent getting the drink into me at the weekends. However many years I spent eating my emotions trying to feel more calm, less stressed. Less anxious trying to escape through food, how I was feeling. And then I would spend five days of eating a little bit differently of like tearing myself away from the kitchen in the evening time for five days in a row and expect, expect to be fit and healthy.

I've seen this so many times with, with women so many times and it's always, it's always that a type of member that is never a good fit. But she may have come onto the program by accident. She might think that I'm all about calorie counting and restricting and dieting and extreme, which I'm not, you're never going to find in my program anything extreme, anything that makes you feel so tied in and obsessed, all that stuff that counting that tracking that weighing is keeping you obsessed, keeping you focused on one thing rather than taking a holistic approach.

And the problem is when you focus on one thing to do with your health, it can become obsessive and you're focusing on the wrong metric. So I want to ask you today, do you have an unrealistic expectation of results? Do you expect to see results from the actions that you're taking? Too quick, too quick? And because of that, does that actually hamper your progress? And do you actually go back to square one because of everything that's going on in your head? So I ask you a couple of questions when you start a fitness program when you start a fitness program, do you start to hate on yourself?

That's a classic sign of having unrealistic expectations. Does it occupy your every thought when you're trying to lose weight when you're, when you're trying to eat healthier, when you're trying to add more exercise into your week? Does it occupy your every thought? Do you feel around your body for results after just a couple of days or just a couple of weeks? Do you jump up and down on the weighing scales when you start your fitness program? Maybe more so that you've started than you did before you started? Do you feel like quitting often when you start something? Because you don't think you're seeing results quick enough for the effort you feel you're putting in?

Do you feel bad when you start a fitness program when you, when you try and eat healthy? Does it make you feel bad? Does it make you feel anxious? Does it make you feel out of control? Like you're not in control? You don't feel comfortable? I ask you this now, if you've answered yes to a few of those and you're screaming at the podcast, you're screaming at the radio. Yes, Jessica. I do have an unrealistic expectation of results and it does hold me back. I want to ask you, what would it feel like if you were to let that go? What would it feel like if you were to decide right here? With me now that you weren't going to have any expectations of results, any expectations of results.

And what would you say back to me if I told you that you are giving away control to something else when you have unrealistic expectations of results that you're taking all your power and you're giving it outside to something outside of yourself. For example, if you use the weighing scales obsessively or even weekly that you're giving your power to the weighing scales, that if you're doing some kind of program now where you're encouraged to meet up once a week and sit in a circle and talk about the fact that you're a pound down or a pound up, you're giving away your power to something else outside of you.

Or if you meet up online and you discuss in a group pound up, pound down, you're doing it again, you're focusing on one thing and that one thing is giving you tunnel vision and blinding you from everything else around you. And that is always going to lead to failure and not just that you're handing your power over to somebody else and that somebody else happens to be a weighing scales. That is an inaccurate measuring tool. If you're a woman over 40 on your body fat composition on your lean muscle mass to fat ratio, on how much you're built, how much fat you're losing on a weekly basis, whether or not you're lifting weights, you're working out. So it's all inaccurate anyway.

And by weighing yourself on top of the fact that it's a completely inaccurate metric by getting into a habit of starting a program and, and weighing yourself from the get go, all you're doing is just putting an unrealistic expectation of results on yourself, which is only going to lead you to quitting. Tracking is the same thing, tracking your calories is making you, it's, it's giving you tunnel vision. It's making you focus on one thing. It's making you obsessed with the food. And what happens when we get obsessed about one thing, we can start to get a really unrealistic expectation of results.

And when we start to go down that road, we quit or we start to go around in circles tracking your food and getting really obsessed with your food is leading down that road again of black and white all or nothing thinking and that's gonna hold you back. My friend, Calorie counting, tracking your food every time you see yourself doing that. I want you to know that you're, you're distracting yourself. You're not focusing on the reasons why you're overeating on the reasons why you can't seem to reduce your portion control on the reasons why you're comfort eating.

All you're doing is you're focusing on a number on a metric on 2000 or 1500 calories a day. I must hit those a day and you're forgetting about everything else. And then because you're so focused on that number, you have an unrealistic expectation because what's your brain going to do other than get really laser focused and goal focused and become obsessed. And then when things don't go your way, because of course, they're not, of course they're not. If we're obsessed with one thing, I've done that myself so often and that's why I failed so many times to actually lose weight and keep it off. It's this unrealistic expectation that comes over. You, you start calorie counting on a Monday, you do it Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday because you're so focused on it, you start to go right where my results, where are my results?

And you know what's really shit, what's really bad about the weighing scales and tracking your food and weighing your food. It's negative. You don't actually get any positive mental health benefits from jumping up and down on a weighing scales. You don't get any positive mental health benefits from weighing your food, from calorie, counting from, from going low carb keto, you don't get mental health benefits from those. So if you don't get any mental health benefits from those things, how on earth are you going to be motivated about what you do and how you are working on being healthy?

If the way you approach it is negative, how are you going to keep that up? Life is tough enough. Surely, life is tough enough. We've enough negativity around us without actually inviting negativity into our bathroom with the weighing scales and negativity into every single meal we have. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trapped, trapped in counting? Do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to get healthy through negativity? You, you see it, I see it all the time. I'm sure you see it all the time. If you work with people, I hear people all the time in cafes. I love to listen out for us, especially women when they meet up. And there's a conversation, a really negative conversation about how much they hate their bodies and are they losing or gaining and how many calories is in certain foods? And it's so depressing.

So many of us don't realize that there's another way to do things and that you can actually get great results without having to do any of that stuff that you can fit back really well into your jeans, into your clothes. If you drop the unrealistic expectation of results, one and you drop the tools you're using that are keeping that in your life. Like the weighing scales. Number one, they can go in the bin, they're not even giving you an accurate result anyway of your, of your actions. Number two, get rid of tracking your steps, your calories, your, your food bin. It all. There's a new way. You don't need to do that at all.

So I want to ask you right now if you could be a number on the scales for the rest of your life, but feel bad. Have your skin feel really unhealthy. Your nails feel really unhealthy and you don't give a shit about your insides, your heart, your lungs, you don't care about any of that stuff, but a genie said to you, you want to be that weight for the rest of your life. I grant you that. Now. However, you won't be healthy in any other department or you're never going to know for the rest of the life, the number you are on the scales, however, you're going to feel amazing, you're gonna have great skin nails and hair, your heart's gonna be really healthy. Your bone density is going to be brilliant.

You're gonna feel absolutely terrific. You're gonna have tons of energy. You're going to boost your confidence, enhance your well-being. You're going to increase your metabolism, you're going to feel really, really good, you're going to get fit, you're going to relieve your anxiety, you're gonna enhance your flexibility. You're going to increase your energy, build your strength, reduce your stress, improve your focus, boost your confidence. You're gonna have all that, including better sleep sleep quality. You're going to improve your posture, strengthen your bones that I say that and you're gonna have all that, but you're never going to know what you weigh. Would you get rid of the weighing scales or would you prefer to always, would you prefer to just be that number on the weighing scales?

Well, I am talking to you if you've answered that, yes, you, you would prefer to have all that other stuff and not know what you are on the weighing scales. So if you want to go ahead with that, if you want to go ahead and have a holistic approach to your health and forget about what you weigh and drop the unrealistic expectations that I'm going to share with you right now right now. Exactly how to get exactly where you want to be by following action steps that are going to get you really, really healthy and get results. And one more thing before it gets stuck in when you focus on your actions and you get rid of focusing on your goals, you are going to achieve your goals.

The problem with having unrealistic expectations and being laser focused by a number on the weighing scales is that you stay focused on your goal and you're blinkered in a way to your actions. We don't really think about our actions so much. I remember when I used to weigh myself all the time and all I cared about was being a certain number on the weighing scales. I didn't really pay attention to the fact that I wasn't really moving that much during the day or that my bedtime routine was shit or that I was scrolling loads in my phone I didn't really notice. I didn't set any intentions for the day, what, what's intentions? I wasn't focused on what workouts were best for me.

As a woman over 40 I was only focused on that number on the weighing scales and it blinkered me for years. It blinkered for, for years. It kept my focus away from my action steps when I dropped that number, when I stopped weighing myself when I dropped the goal and I moved and shifted my focus onto my action steps. I succeeded. I lost weight. I've kept it off. I got healthy, fit, strong, I no longer drink alcohol. I've given up comfort, eating. How did I do it? I took a holistic approach to my health and I focused on my action steps. I wrote my goals down in my journal every week.

What my goals were, there were no longer any numbers attached to my goal. I wanted to get fit. I wanted to get healthy. I wanted to be removed from all shackles of my unhealthy habits. I wanted to be peaceful. I wanted to feel calm. I wanted to be fit and healthy and fit well in my jeans. And then I then II, I didn't look at those goals all week. I had my action steps that were going to get me to my goals and it was those action steps. It's these action steps that will get you where you want to be however you need to release the outcome. You need to let the outcome go and trust that what you're doing is going to get you to your goal. And let's say you do 12 week program just to make it simple.

My initial program is 12 weeks. Ok? And you're on day one and you set your goals. You're like, I want to fit good in my jeans. I want to get fit. I want to get healthy and then you really spend time making sure that the action steps you follow every week are going to get you there. Well, then you can spend your time at the end of every week reviewing how your action steps are going for you. So, rather than you just get to the end of the week and go. Oh no, I didn't drop £2 or? Oh, yeah, I dropped a pound and everything focused on that. You're asking yourself? Well, how did this week go?

Ok. I got in my three workouts that involve strength training. Oh, I was scrolling on my phone a good bit. I was really anxious. Oh, yeah. And I comfort ate a lot this week. Why did I comfort eat a lot this week? Oh my God. I've noticed I'm really stressed out and anxious. Ok, so of course I'm not going to be feeling better in my clothes if I continue to comfort eat. However amazing that I got all my workouts in that's going to get me fit healthy, increased muscle mass, increase bone density. So, wow, I'm, I'm doing lots of stuff that are making me healthy. However, there's one area over here that I want to improve on. I'm still comfort eating. I want to improve on that. So for next week, I'm going to focus my action steps on doing thrive times, for example, they're my 10 minutes um practices that we do in the membership.

So I'm going to focus on my thrive times next week. That's going to help me reduce my stress and anxiety, which is going to help me not comfort it. And over time every week, you're getting really in tune with yourself. You're figuring out what drives you to overeat, what drives you to go get a glass of wine. What causes you to skip a workout and you start to the beautiful thing that happens is you start to really see all the amazing action steps you're taking that are giving you lots of results in lots of ways.

And you're also getting to work on at your own pace, action steps that you know, are going to take that bit more time and there's no time pressure, there's no fad diets, there's no weighing yourself, there's no restriction. It's you getting to know yourself and working on your action steps without an unrealistic expectation of results and without being laser focused on any results. So before you know it, you get all the results you want without focusing on the results. And when you don't focus on the results, you can actually enjoy your journey and enjoy the progress along the way and have fun and enjoy all the amazing benefits that come with being healthy. You cut yourself off from all that.

When you're just so laser focused on physical results, you cut yourself off, you're looking and seeing are your arms toning up. You're checking if your stomach is reducing in fat, all those things are great, but they're a byproduct of all the changes you make. They're a byproduct of all the wonderful benefits you receive when you're consistent and you focus on your action steps. If you're a woman over 40 you're listening to this right now and you're wondering how to get results and you're wondering what action steps to focus on. I break it all down really simply in my five step framework PMS that I'm going to break down really quickly for you or you can just go and download Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash unleash and you can get my five steps to unleashing your fitness and cam and it's all written down there.

That's Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash unleash. So, Pam's my five step framework P stands for physical fitness. If you want to be fit, be healthy as a woman over 40 get results, improve your lean muscle mass, increase your metabolism, get strong bones. You want to do strength training, resistance training three times a week, that's lifting weights. So that's the action to focus on not the number on the scales. You also want to be getting a couple of walks in. That's the key part, accountability. Who is holding you accountable? How can you get support and accountability? How can you make sure that you're doing an end of week, review a week planning and that you're tweaking your action steps as you go, accountability is so important. Hate is hydration. Two liters of water is terrific as a goal as an action step to be healthy.

The mental health part of your holistic approach to your health, if you just work out, you're not looking after other parts of yourself. If you just focus on food, you're not looking after other parts of yourself. Taking a holistic approach to your health means that you are working on everything all at the same time. If there's an imbalance, trust me, it's not going to work. I worked out and focused on my food when I was so stressed out and anxious and I didn't get healthy, I didn't get healthy at all.

A combination of everything to do with our health is what we need. And that's what the m part stands for mental health. What action steps do you have in the week that take care of your mental health, self-care, your morning routine, your bedtime routine, your nutritional action steps in the week. What action steps do you need to take that are going to get you where you want to be? Where do you want to be? What does your avatar look like when I was unhealthy, I looked to this avatar, the future me and that avatar her action steps where she worked out three times a week.

She did strength training because she knew that is what was going to get her fit and healthy. As a woman over 40 my avatar, she wanted to drink two liters of water every day and get walks in the fresh air, connect with nature, read a good fiction book. Have a good bedtime and morning routine, not eat shit during the week. And I became her when I dropped the obsession on the goals, the unrealistic expectation of results. And I focused on the journey. When I focused on the actions, the actions are going to get you results, write down your goals, write down the results you want, then close the book and focus instead every day somewhere. Visual, focus on your action steps. This my friend will get you exactly everything that you want. And it has been this change in approach that I finally finally got to change my life.

I changed my life through this approach and I'm changing my clients' lives in my thrive coaching program with this approach. Well, I really hope you enjoyed this podcast episode and I would love it so much if you could review this podcast, wherever you listen to your podcast episodes, it sounds really simple and easy, but it's not, it makes a massive difference to my podcast. If you could review it, I would appreciate it so much. It means it would get in front of more people, which I would love so much. My mission is to help you to help women get fit, feel great, find their inner peace and calm. You can go to Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash coaching to get on the wait list to my coaching program. Have a wonderful day and all my love, take care. 

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