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Today's Podcast Episode

Hi and welcome to today's short little episode.

I hope you're doing really well.

I'm up and at it really early today, we are heading away for a few days and of course, Arthur is coughing.

He started coughing yesterday.

I'm like, oh, no, why does this always happen with kids every time you're about to head away?

And the more excited you are about a trip, the more the Children they seem to get sick.

So, off to bed, he went last night with some calpol and some cough medicine, whatever it was and fingers crossed.

I didn't hear him coughing in the middle of the night.

So I hope he's ok.

I hope you're doing well wherever you are, I'm looking forward to um doing this podcast episode with you.

This episode is very close to my heart.

I love to talk about giving up alcohol and being able to quit snacking at night time, which are two of the biggest things that held me back and kept, kept me locked in very unhealthy habits.

And I want to chat to you about this one little practice that I learned that completely transformed, transformed me.

It completely helped me give up that late night snacking.

And it also helped me stop turning to things outside of myself because isn't that what we do?

Isn't that what we do when we overeat?

And when we overdrink and when we're sitting on the couch at night time, isn't it that we, we want to change our state as Tony Robbins says, change our state.

We want to change how we're feeling.

Now, if you had told me that like five years ago, I would have said to you, what are you talking about?

I don't want to change my state.

I want to have something sweet because I enjoy the taste and I have a bit of a sweet tooth.

It really has only been in the past couple of years that I've been able to reflect and really understand on a deep level that what I was doing all those times was I was changing my state.

I was trying to change how I was feeling.

Now, think about this for a second.

You're sitting on the couch, you've had your dinner, you're sitting down, you're watching TV, and you want something sweet.

You want something sweet.

You also have been saying over the past while and that day that you want to be fit and healthy and you've eaten your dinner.

Now, if it was just as simple as you fancying something sweet, you'd be able to say to yourself.

No, not tonight.

I want to be fit and healthy.

I, I want to lose weight, feel good in my clothes.

I've just had my dinner.

I'm not going to have something and you'd be able to pretty much say that to yourself and not have anything.

And I remember so many nights not being able to do that, I'd be sitting on the couch.

It'd be really cozy dinner would have been a couple of hours ago, curtains, blinds closed fire on, you know, the usual Netflix kids just gone to bed that time of night.

So many times I've turned to Joe and said, you know what, let's have something sweet.

And all those years, I have also wanted to be fit and healthy too and, you know, I've been fluctuating with three stone for years and years and years only in the past couple of years actually have gotten to an authentically fit and healthy place.

And if it was just as simple as having something sweet.

We'd be able to say no because you're listening to this podcast.

Chances are you want to be fit and healthy?

Like me, I want to be fit and healthy too.

It would be a no brainer, but it's not a no-brainer because there's another reason there's a stronger pull and that pull is that you don't really particularly like how you're feeling in that moment and you want to change it, you want to change the chemical makeup reaction in your brain and you're going to do that through food or a glass of wine or for some of you online shopping or scrolling and then you go and have that packet of biscuits or cream slice, whatever it is and you do temporarily feel better.

I want you to be aware of this the next time you do it, you do temporarily feel better and I'm putting it to you today that you are turning to food for a feeling not for maybe 1% taste 99% feeling.

It's the same when you overeat.

Now, honestly, if you had have told me this years ago, I would have said just stop but stay with me here.

You have a really big dinner.

What's the first thing you do when you have a really big dinner?

You eat your dinner, you get full, you sit back, you take a deep breath in and you take a deep breath out and having overeaten temporarily changes your state.

You feel relaxed.

It's the same as a sugar.

Think of yourself on your couch now or your favorite place in the house where you sit down to relax at night time.

Think of yourself there if you struggle with late night snacking, what are you trying to do?

You go and get the sweet thing, you sit down on the couch and you eat it.

You know what?

You sit back, you temporarily feel good before all those feelings of dread and here I go again and oh no kick in, but just before they kick in, you feel good, you're trying to change how you feel.

You're trying to change your state.

And I noticed this, I think I mentioned this to you guys a couple of weeks ago.

I was feeling really stressed out.

Work was really busy.

Work is really busy and I have to really structure my days and my week to make sure that I fit everything in.

I use a Sana and I have everything like you're doing this on a Monday at 12.

You're doing this on a Tuesday at three.

It has to be super structured, especially with all the kids um activities and stuff, you know, the score.

And I was working from home and I'm, I'm quite strict on myself now but having three coffees um because I used to, he was creeping up to four sometimes five and it just didn't make me feel good.

I felt stressed and anxious and I was like, why am I making myself stressed and anxious with coffee?

Yet, on the other hand, I am working at being more relaxed, it didn't make any sense.

So I said to myself, I'd stick to a three coffee per day limit.

And boy, is it hard sometimes?

And boy, do I love coffee?

I love the feeling.

I love the feeling.

I love the taste.

I love the flavor.

And I was sitting down at my, at my desk and I felt really overwhelmingly busy.

And I said to myself, I have to get a coffee.

I'll have a coffee and I just sat there for a second and I was like, hang on a second.

You've literally 20 minutes ago, had your third coffee.

Why do you want another coffee?

And I said to myself because I was talking to myself, oh, I'm stressed out.

Oh, ok.

You're stressed out.

Ok.

Well, let's do this.

Let's, let's sit down, let's relax.

And I started the practice that I want to share with you today.

And it's called Rain, rain.

And I learned it from Tara Brack who is a very famous um mindfulness coach over in America.

And this small practice has truly changed my life.

Now, I share every single thing on the pod on this podcast with you that has helped me go from overweight, unhealthy, shackled to unhealthy habits and this is one of them So it's not like the single reason, but it is our solution, but it is a huge solution.

It has helped me so much, quit overeating, late night snacking and it helped me quit alcohol for good.

Most importantly, it's helped me sit with my feelings and I hope I've explained that in a simple way that it's the feeling that you're going after because you don't like the feeling that you have before you go and have your glass of wine during the week now or your sugary stuff.

Um And if you don't believe me or you're still unsure, keep an open mind and look out for it tonight, you have to eat properly.

Now you have to like have your breakfast, have your lunch, have your dinner, you have to ensure that you're not hungry after your dinner.

Ok?

And really look out for you changing your emotional state.

Now, the emotions that you might, that you might want to be changing could be something as simple as boredom.

You might feel a little bit anxious.

You might have just this feeling in your stomach that you're not sure why it's there.

You might feel stressed out lonely, you might be tired, you might just feel uncomfortable in your skin.

There are so many different emotions that you might be trying to not sit with and if you're out of practice from this, you mightn't even notice you're doing it.

So I want you to pay good attention in all my years that I've been drinking alcohol at the weekends to unwind and, and overeating and snacking on food.

Late at night.

I didn't know that I was trying to change my feelings, but when I learned this I couldn't unlearn it.

And I noticed that I'd be sitting on the couch and I'd be thinking, oh, no, no, I just need to go and get something sweet.

So, explore, that need to go and get something, explore that.

And I encourage you to keep an open mind and and not just bash it away as a sugar craving.

And if you're this unpracticed, if you're, if you're very, if you're not used to paying attention to your feelings and how you're feeling, you're going to just think it's a sugar craving.

But if you want to be fit and healthy and it is just a sugar craving, then you should be able to say no, no, no, thanks.

I want to be fit and healthy.

And if you struggle to say no, keep an open mind and explore it.

So this is the practice that I do every time I want to get a late night snack or have a drink, for example.

So this is what I used to do back when I was starting my journey of quitting, I don't need to do it with alcohol anymore.

I'm free from alcohol.

However, I do need to do this practice with alcohol and with or sorry, with coffee and with sweet stuff sometimes.

So it's a turning inwards instead of a turning outwards now, before we get stuck in and it's only going to take a few minutes.

I want you to think of a really bad day.

Weather wise, it's freezing cold.

It's lashing rain, it's absolutely pouring down rain and it's really, really windy and it's just wild outside and you're standing in your hall and you're tired and you need comfort.

Ok?

Can you picture yourself in your hall tired and needing comfort?

You're not in your living room.

However, there's a roaring fire in your living room.

It's really cozy.

There's a blanket or something lovely on the couch waiting for you to step into and there's a lovely warm cup of tea.

You need comfort.

Can you open the front door and you stand outside in the flimsiest of pajamas?

Just these like cheap cotton pajamas that don't keep you warm at all and you stand there in the cold and in the rain, you're freezing cold.

You have no socks on, your feet are freezing and you're wet.

And that's what we do when we turn outwards, when we turn outwards to external things like alcohol and food or, or scrolling or online shopping to comfort ourselves.

And what if we just chose not to do that anymore?

What if we chose to start our journey of turning inwards and we left the cold outside and we went into the house and we went into the living room and we sat on the couch and we put the wrap or the lovely blanket around us, the fires on and we got a cup of tea or a cup of hot chocolate.

And we sat there and we got really, really warm.

The outside is the alcohol and the food.

That stuff makes us feel worse when we're heading out the door.

We are thinking temporarily that it's going to make us feel better because we're moving, we're moving away from the hall.

We're feeling uncomfortable, we need to move.

So we're going to go outside.

So we temporarily feel like we're doing something to help us.

However, we only ever feel worse and it's not true comfort going into the living room, putting a blanket around her shoulders and having a cup of tea.

Think of that as a turning inwards into yourself to feel better, turning inwards, comforting yourself that's actually going to work and give you comfort and the more you practice this, the better you're going to get with it.

Ok?

So rain, the acronym is rain.

And this is what I want you to do when you, when you're feeling like you want to change your state.

And the trigger for me when the way I notice that I want to do this is when I suddenly think to myself, I want something sweet, I want to eat and I don't need food.

So the R stands for, recognize what's going on, recognize.

So you sit down, it only takes a minute max, it can take longer if you want to.

Do.

You sit down and you say, OK, or that's, that's recognize and you recognize the feeling and you name it OK.

I'm feeling uncomfortable.

I have a pit in my stomach.

My heart is racing a little bit and you call it, I'm feeling anxious.

You give it a name.

OK, let's say for example, it's anxiety.

I'm feeling anxious and notice where it is in the body and then move on to a allow, allow it to be there.

Allow the thoughts, the emotions or feelings or sensations you have recognized, simply be there.

So allow them, we tend to fight our feelings even in a subconscious way, we we tend to fight them.

So allow them, feel them and allow them there and sit with them.

Avoid nothing.

Don't try to fix them, just allow them.

So for example, the or recognize them.

So you might recognize fear and allow us by whispering to yourself or mentally whispering.

It's OK or this belongs or yes and then the I stands for investigate.

OK.

So why am I feeling like this?

What happens and have a real focus towards why it's there?

What were you thinking about or what happened during the day or the week that you just can't shake off really investigate?

And then when you have your answer, the end starts for nurture.

It's ok that I feel like this.

It's ok.

What most needs attention?

Now, how am I experiencing this in the body?

What do I most need right now?

And your answer might be, you need warmth.

You need to, to be still, you need to chat with somebody for two minutes.

You need comfort and the whole thing can take about 60 seconds and it has changed my life.

So let's run through it one more time together.

It's rain or a in recognize allow investigate nurture you're sitting on the couch or you're stressed out during the day, you're in work and you suddenly feel these feelings and you're thinking that you don't want to sit with them or you're going to get something sweet or you're going to unwind with a glass of wine and you don't want to.

So you sit down, you close your eyes, you say or OK, recognize, what is this?

What is this feeling that I'm trying to avoid?

What is this name?

The feeling?

It's fear, it's anxiety, it's loneliness, it's boredom.

OK.

OK.

OK.

I'm going to allow us sit with it.

I'm going to allow it in.

I can feel it in my body.

It's OK.

I'm going to allow it in.

It's here.

It's OK.

This belongs.

Yes.

Allowing creates a pause that makes it possible to go further into it.

Ok.

Investigate Investigate with curiosity.

Why am I feeling like this?

Where did this feeling come from.

Is it something that happened today or yesterday or during the week?

Is it a memory or why?

Why is this here?

Why is this feeling here?

And then in nurture, what most needs attention?

What do I need right now in this moment?

Be extremely self compassionate with yourself.

You can whisper a message of care to yourself.

You can say an affirmation, place a hand on your heart or your cheek, gently show yourself love.

Go to your pet, your dog.

Ask yourself, what is it that you need in this moment and nurture yourself with compassion and kindness, maybe gently rub your shoulder, maybe gently place your hand on your heart, whatever it is that you need to do that helps you feel better.

I wouldn't be sharing this with you now, if it didn't absolutely change the game for me and really, it's, it's a way to learn how to sit with your emotions and to self soothe in a sense.

It's, it's absolutely wonderful self sooth, self mother.

So that's it from me for today.

I really hope you enjoyed this episode, this short little episode and that you've got lots out of it if you have any questions at all about it and don't hesitate to contact me.

I'll see you over on Instagram, send me a message, tell me how you got on with this episode.

My Instagram handle is just at Jessica Cook.

Um If you want to join my newsletter, my free newsletter that I send out every week.

Just head over to Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash subscribe.

That's Jessica Cook dot ie forward slash subscribe.

And I share my best content with you via an email once a week.

It's like a little newsletter that I like to do.

So.

That's it from me.

Have a wonderful day.

And thanks for listening.

I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode and you must let me know by getting in touch.

Don't forget you can head on over to Jessica Cook dot IE where you'll find lots of free stuff to get you started on your journey.

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  • 28/11/23 #replay… this is pure GOLD for me Jessica! I’ve so many massive changes made, huge de-cluttering done, massive amount of habit forming behaviour done, implemented and loving it, a place for everything and everything in its place, in a calm not obsessed way…..but there are a few old “die hard” habits/behaviours that are really testing me…. night comfort eating being one! Love this and I’ll journal on it….thanks so much! Ps hope our little pet Arthur was feeling better by the time ye we’re going. A night of no coughing is a great sign! Bless him xx

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    About the author 

    Jessica Cooke

    I love drinking coffee, and my favourite thing in life (apart from my family) is to help women to get fit and break free from unhealthy habits holding them back. (oh, and also I love playing with my two Miniature Schnauzers, Buster and Ozzy)

    I’ve now supported over 6,779 women over 14 years in my Thrive Coaching Program get fit and break free from unhealthy habits!

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