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Today's Podcast Episode

Hello and welcome to today's podcast episode where I am going to be sharing with you exactly how I dropped two dress sizes and this episode is for you, if you are struggling with your weight and you're sick and tired of struggling with your weight and you want to change and you know, you want to do something different than you have been doing.

Maybe you've been doing those slimming clubs or you've been jumping up and down on the weighing scales and you are sick and tired of the whole thing.

This is what I'm going to share with you in.

Today's short podcast episode.

Really nice to be tuning in today.

Um I'm still on a workout ban, hurt my back as I was telling you guys in the last episode and my physio has told me that I can't work out for two weeks, which I know in the grand scheme of things is not much at all, but apart from a few holidays here and there, I haven't stopped working out since March 2020 I cannot get over the difference in my mood.

Everything is just that little bit more irritable.

And my family were joking with me last night around the kitchen table.

They were like, I can't wait for you to get back to exercise.

Um because I am, I am more irritable and I was joking with Joe this morning.

My husband and I was like, oh, this is what it feels like to be you because I always joke with him that he's like irritable and um his tolerance levels aren't great sometimes kill me for saying this.

Um And he's like, but I work out, what are you talking about?

I'm like, yeah, but you know, the, the fidgeting and the things that bother you, I see it now and all from just not working out.

And it has really made me realize, really made me realize how important working out is for our soul to feel good, to be able to get the most out of our day.

Um It's, it's just been such an eye opener.

I really truly understand how people can just feel flat and not really into it.

And I understand more than ever now the struggle of getting going, the struggle of starting.

Although you have an endorphin hit after any workout that you do, it's still tough in the beginner phase to get into that habit where you're working out consistently and you're reaping all the benefits.

Um But if you're listening to this and, you know, I've left working out for a while.

Oh my God, I recommend you exercise just to feel amazing.

Everything comes so much easier when you work out and, you know, you only need to find 90 minutes per week or less to work out.

And if you're doing the right type of exercise, if you're lifting weights, which is really important as women over 40 you're going to get a 10 out of 10, you're going to get all the results, all the stuff that you want, all the benefits from exercise that you need and you're going to feel amazing.

And that kind of me flatness will go, you'll feel really capable and in control and from that starting point, other habits are easier to change.

And I really understand now why people find it difficult to change their habits if exercise isn't the main core one because you're not really in the mood.

Whereas when you work out, you feel mighty, you feel really calm, productive and in control.

And from that springboard, you're much more likely to make better choices in your day with the other action steps that you have.

If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, that's where I would recommend you start just the exercise, focus on just the exercise and I promise you, you will, you'll start to naturally want to make better choices and then you'll change.

So how I dropped two dress sizes I have, I have written down like I want to share with you in five steps.

I think it's five steps that I have here, maybe six steps.

Um I love steps.

It's really important just to be able to um share with you simply and easily because um if I can share the stuff with you simply and easily and you're struggling right now, it'll just really help settle in your brain when it's a step by step process.

I always try to do things in steps.

Um So just to give you a little bit of a back story about where I was.

So I have been three stone overweight or about two dress sizes overweight.

Um I was a massive drinker, meaning I drank to get drunk every weekend on Fridays and Saturdays.

I would just drink to excess.

I felt bloated really bad in myself.

I have really low self esteem, very low confidence.

Um I was very restrictive on my food during the week.

I would be very particular about putting like sauces or salad dressing on my salads.

And then I would also comfort, eat massively at the same time.

So I would have huge portions at dinner, especially at the weekends, like massive bowls of spaghetti bolognaise with like six sticks of garlic bread, six slices of garlic bread.

And then sometimes the whole stick when Joe didn't want any garlic bread.

Um, and then I would like massively restrict during the week, when I say during the week, I was probably like on Wednesdays and Thursdays still comfort eating on the couch after dinner.

Um And then I would just go crazy at the weekends.

My clothes were really, really tight.

My face was red and puffy and bloated and I felt really bad in myself.

I felt very anxious.

I felt very stressed out all the time.

Um I was very serious, not much fun in my day to day life.

I lived for the weekends.

I used to get so excited when I would wake up on a Saturday and realize that it was a drinking evening ahead and I would just be so excited at the prospect of opening a glass of a bottle of wine and having rose.

Um And I was just deeply unhappy.

I just felt chubby, disgusting, really uncomfortable in my clothes.

Um Now I'm at a point where I'm the healthiest I've ever been, I'm really fit.

I fit in my clothes.

Well, um I feel really strong.

I feel really capable I've become very strategic in my action, which I love.

Um I'm much more peaceful.

I'm much more calm.

I have more connections in my life.

I have hobbies and interests.

I work very hard.

However, I work smart, not the way I used to work very frenetically.

I've got good boundaries up.

I've got better relationships in my family, with my husband and my Children and I'm in a really good place.

Most importantly, I have self belief and certainty coming from the inside of me.

When problems occur, I mostly am able to turn inward rather than what I used to do, which was to turn outward.

And I credit these five reasons steps as to how I was finally able to drop two dress sizes.

Um, and I had to get rid of everything.

I had to get rid of the way I had done it before.

What did Albert Einstein say that the thing about insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and looking for a different result?

That was me.

I used to calorie count diet over exercise.

Um, weigh my food, weigh myself, do those trackers online where you track your food.

I've done the paleo diet, the keto diet, um, loads of diets, loads of things.

Um, weighing myself was a big one.

I thought that was what was going to be the most successful.

So when I came to the point where I decided that I needed to change I finally understood that I needed to have a different approach and that's where most people I see now go wrong.

And it's easy for me now to spot this stuff in others.

Only because I've been through it myself.

But I have been through the exact same thing and I was not able to spot this for years.

I was calculating it out that I have struggled with my health for 23 years.

So I've never been able to spot this stuff in myself up until only a few years ago.

But the lovely thing about that now is I can spot it in other people and I can help them, which is great starting a fitness program or deciding that you're going to get fit and healthy or that you're deciding that you're going to lose weight and not being confident enough and being scared in doing things a new way and having a different approach is something I see a lot of people do and, and, and it's what hold them, holds them back.

And I see new members coming into my thrive coaching program really scared that they're about to approach this a different way and they are very afraid to drop what they've been doing even though what they've been doing hasn't been working for them.

And I know that sounds, you might be listening now and go, oh my God.

How do they do that?

Why would they do that?

But I think we all do that.

It's just easier to spot on other people.

We all attempt to do the same things over and over again and look for different results.

We're very routines and we're very structured people and we tend not to break out of what we're doing.

However, we do need to, I have a new client recently and she knows who she is and she contacted me recently and just to tell me that she was so scared that I wasn't going to be like tracking her food and getting her to Calorie count that she was really scared because that's all she's ever known and that helps her feel in control and I totally get it, but it hadn't been working for her and that's why she was with me.

But I, I understand her, her, her fear in losing that because in a way you're letting go of control or the perceived control that you have by approaching it a new way.

So if you're listening to this now and you are doing the same things like you're jumping up and down on the weighing scales hoping for a different result or you're going to those slimming clubs that get you to stand on a weighing scales which is just so wrong or you are dieting.

I, I want you to know like none of that is going to bring about real change in yourself.

You might muster up all the willpower in the world that will temporarily make you lose weight.

However you haven't changed in the process, you've just lost weight.

So just bringing it to that simple goal of weight loss, which is so huge in itself, I mean, to lose weight and consistently keep it off means you have had to have a full lifestyle change and you have had to, you had to change as a person to lose weight and keep it off and change all your habits.

When we change our habits, we change, we become a different person.

And it's through that beautiful change, period and blossoming out to this new person is where the beauty is and jumping up and down on a weighing scales for 12 weeks and just trying to track your weight loss to hit an end goal to lose it all again, is not the ideal outcome.

You haven't changed, you haven't grown.

So number one, um the very first thing that I did and I and I changed what had to change in me is that I had to really understand what consistency meant.

And up until the point I decided to change, I was confusing consistency with perfectionism.

And I see this a lot in my members as well.

The my new members, my lovely dear new members who also confuse consistency with perfectionism.

And maybe you do this too, that you see somebody consistent and you think they're perfect at what they do.

And I had to come to realize that consistency allows you to take action and learn from your mistakes.

It's a journey with ups and downs.

However, you keep moving forward until you reach your destination.

So when you do something regularly and turn it into a habit, you're consistent.

But people watching you might think you are perfect.

So really perfection lies in fantasy land being perfect means the absence of any flaw.

However, that's what most of us try to do when we're starting to lose weight or starting to get fit.

And I see new members do this at the beginning of my thrive coaching program is that they try to do everything perfectly.

And then when they can't do something perfectly, they go to zero.

So they go from 100% to 0% effectively repeating their all or nothing mentality that they had when they started this mind of absolutes, it's 100% or it's nothing that is not consistency, consistency is showing up for yourself and doing the things you said you were going to do 70 to 80% of the time.

It doesn't mean 100%.

It means that most of the time we're showing up and when we do show up and we do the action steps that we committed to, even in that we mightn't, we might be consistent in how we do it, meaning we're not going to be perfect in how we do it.

So we're not going to all the time show up to what we said we were going to do and the things that we're doing, we're also not going to be absolutely perfect in them.

So, for example, we might commit to doing three workouts a week for one month and two of those weeks, we might just do two workouts and five of those workouts.

We didn't do very well.

We were knackered, tired and we just went through the motions that is consistency or deciding that you're going to eat healthy and limit your junk food until the weekend and saying you're going to do that for one month and managing to do it 3 to 4 days out of every week.

And in those 3 to 4 days, they still weren't perfect.

Like that's consistency and it's building on that and that's the missing piece of the puzzle that was missing.

For me, that I was confusing perfectionism with consistency.

And once I understood that consistency was about just showing up often and embracing the struggles and being able to get back on track.

I opened the doors for change.

I opened the doors for change.

There was many time in my journey to dropping two dress sizes that I didn't show up to my workouts that I comfort ate during the week that I had committed to healthy eating and leaving my treats to the weekend.

And there was many weeks where I comfort ate on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

There was many weeks where I had way too big a portions.

There was many, many days where I didn't show up to my workouts.

However, I did show up to workouts and I did commit to eating healthy and sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't.

But on the journey of becoming more and more consistent, I changed and I grew and I must say that has been the biggest change for me in helping me drop two dress sizes.

Um Number two, I wrote out my avatar, I wrote out the person that I wanted to become.

So I had it in stone.

So you, I, I changed from saying I want to lose weight to, I want to become a fit and healthy person.

I want to have more peace and calm in my life.

I want to feel good most of the time I want to live in the moment.

I want to nourish my body and I want my nutrition to reflect out through my skin, nails and hair.

I want to look healthy.

I want to have more energy and I wrote out the action steps that it would take for me to get to become that person.

I wanted to give up alcohol.

I wanted to be a non drinker.

So I had the person that I wanted to become.

And I found that extremely motivating because in a way when you write out your outcome, which is your avatar, you almost release it.

You can let it go.

You can let the outcome go and focus on becoming consistent with your action steps.

What I find now what I've seen in other people is that they stay obsessed with the outcome and they don't focus so much on the actual action steps they're taking in the week and you see this a lot in weight loss culture um in the slip slimming club's culture, not in our thrive coaching program in the slimming cultures in those members groups where they're very big into telling each other how much they've dropped or gained that.

They're all so obsessed about the number on the scales.

But no, none of them are really kind of chatting about the struggles they may be having with consistency.

It's all just very obsessive about the number on the scales.

There's big applause when you've dropped a pound, there's silence when you've gained or there's like this kind of weird.

Oh, we're all in it together.

We're all gaining and losing together.

Um That just keeps you further away from reflecting and analyzing on the actual action steps that are going to get you to where you want to be.

So when I wrote out my avatar and moved away from focusing just on the goal, it became a massive game changer for me.

It, it led me to a place that I could be um confident that I was going to achieve and become my avatar so confident that it allowed me to almost start to enjoy the journey because I had written out my avatar, I knew where I was going.

I know where I wanted to go.

So all I had to do was figure out how to become consistent in my action steps.

And when you don't doubt the outcome and when you, when you start to believe that it's going to come true, what happens is the self doubt and the uncertainty get removed.

So what happens then is if you have a bad day and you've eaten loads of shit and you haven't done a workout, you don't doubt yourself.

You don't doubt the outcome.

You've just had a shit day on your journey.

Think of it like these lovely little stepping stones in a river that the odd time you're going to put your foot in the water and get a little bit wet.

However you full faith that eventually you're going to be able to step on each of those stepping stones and make it across the river.

So when you have your avatar set and you don't doubt you're going to win.

And what I see with very many people is that they let their um, unhealthy habits make them doubt themselves.

So they have a night where they might drink too much or eat too much where they weren't expected.

And that puts doubt in their mind rather than just saying, oh, look, I had a shite night last night.

I defaulted.

I went back to my old habits.

I went back to what's familiar.


I know this stuff is going to take time.

They go, oh my God.

This must mean something, this must mean that I am destined forevermore to be stuck in this cycle, which isn't just true.

If they had gotten up the next day and carried on, like normal and focused on the practice of consistency, they'd be way ahead of where they are now.

It's this stop start thing that wrecks my head.

And I see it so often with people that they start, they hit a bump in the road ie they had a shit weekend.

They overate or they didn't do workouts and they take that to mean something rather than just get up on Monday and go and do a workout and eat healthy.

And I have been through that exact thing.

I used to think that, that the, the bad habits that I was doing meant something.

No, they don't.

You're just human.

Dust yourself off, get yourself back up and don't overanalyze where you may have gone wrong.

Just go and do a workout if you've done a week of no workouts.

What do you want to do?

Go and do workouts if you've eaten shit, sugar, junk food all week.

What do you do on Monday?

You don't stop and quit and throw your hands up and say that's it.

I'm done with healthy eating because I had a really bad week.

Where does that get you?

Having to start again?

Having to start a new program, having to gain more weight, potentially to eventually hit rock bottom to have to start the whole process again.

Why are we so afraid to get back on track or is it, is it that we're afraid of what people might think?

Like people are peers and stuff?

What is it?

Why are we so afraid to get back on track?

I don't understand.

Let me know.

Message me if you're in this zone at the minute, why are you so afraid to get back on track?

I used to be so afraid to get back on track.

I think I just used to feel like a failure.

So I just didn't bother but you know, you're going to eventually have to go and do it again.

Number three and I kind of touched on this a minute ago.

Commit to the end result.

So remove things in your dialogue like in, in your vocabulary like I might, I hope I'll try, I'll see and just commit.

I'm going to be fit and healthy.

I'm going to fit really good on my clothes and I'm going to feel really good.


End of commit to that result.

Number four, get consistent with the following things, rewriting your action steps every week.

The ones that you're not succeeding at like for two years, I wrote on a Monday, no alcohol this week and then I would drink alcohol and then the next week I would write no alcohol this week and then the next week, no alcohol this week don't remove the want of the action step just because it hasn't happened for you yet.


So get consistent with every week writing your action steps and every week, the next Monday, looking back over and saying, did I do this?


Do you want to do it?


Let's go again and again and again until something eventually clicks and you're doing your action step, get consistent.

I had to get consistent at being shite being a beginner, being ok with turning up to my workouts and feeling so overweight and breathless and disgusting and horrible.

You've got to get consistent with that feeling.

You've got to be ok and get consistent with showing up as a beginner and feeling like the worst person in the program.

And how could you possibly possibly go on to succeed if you're really, really breathless now?

But you know, all those cool movies, it's always the rock star, the hero that is really unfit or that goes through this huge struggle to come out the other end and win, get consistent at just showing up at the beginning and picture your avatar and how exciting it's going to be.

I'm, I'm doing a webinar next week and I was trying to look back at old photographs of myself and I could not get over the fact that I was a chubby fitness trainer for years and years and years and, you know, I was super consistent with my fitness.

But everything else in my life, like the alcohol, the overeating, the stress, the anxiety was still so prominent in my life.

However, I'm so glad that I stuck with being consistent with the fitness because the rest of the stuff eventually followed and it will and it wouldn't have followed for me if I had to quit the exercise.

So get consistent, embrace the feeling of shitness and newness that always comes at the start.

Embrace it.

It's not something to be given out about.

You should be really proud of yourself for showing up and putting yourself out there getting consistent at getting back on track.

We all fall off track, get consistent with getting back on track.

Too many of you are getting off track and staying off track, get consistent with getting back on track and know that you're going to sometimes just be off track.

But how can you get back on track?

There's no secret answer to how can I get back on track?

You get back on track by taking action.

That's the only way to get back on track.

You just, you have a couple of choices, you can stay off track, you can quit or you can get back on track.

That's they're your only options.

The last thing that I did.

So the first thing that I did was that I, I understood that consistency is not perfectionism.

The second thing that I did is I wrote out my avatar, the person that I wanted to become.

The third thing that I did was that I committed to the end result.

The fourth thing that I did was that I got consistent with writing my action steps out every week.

I got consistent at showing up, even though I felt like a beginner and the feelings weren't very comfortable.

I got consistent at getting back on track.

And the last thing that I did number five was I committed to understanding why I was missing workouts, why I was overeating why I was turning to sugar on the couch at night time.

And when I finally understood that I was trying to numb out unpleasant emotions.

Well, then that for me, that was the last stone gone I learned and I do like a challenge.

I understood that I was going outside of myself to numb my emotions.

So when I was in a certain mood, I would want to buy new clothes when I was in another certain mood, I would want to eat.

Like there's, there was loads of reasons why I was doing things unhealthy things.

Now, every time I get the urge to do online shopping and I am by no means a big shopper, but still, I've noticed that I want to buy things when I'm feeling maybe uncomfortable in myself or not good enough.

I notice that I want to eat when I'm stressed out or when I've just had a frenetic day I want to really eat because I feel well, I deserve this.

Whereas what's wrong?


Like, now I sit with that emotion.

I've had a frenetic day.

Let's unwind here, let's unwind.

Let's have a cup of tea, turn off all the screens and just unwind and be with myself and at the start, you know, it's a real pain in the butt.

However you um start to get really, you can start to get enjoyment out of it, enjoyment, out of understanding yourself and sitting with yourself.

It feels like a new feeling.

Like for me, I felt like I was a child learning emotions, no joke like, oh this is what it feels like to sit in uncomfortable feelings.

Um a real revelation and one that I am really enjoying at the moment, the embracing of feeling, all the feelings, not just the good feelings and then trying to block out negative feelings with wine like that kind of culture that you see on the TV, where I see it all the time now where the woman comes home in our power suit and she always has to be a glass of red wine.

You know, because she's really intelligent and really smart and only really intelligent and smart women drink red wine.

That's such bullshit.

You see it on TV, everywhere you can't unsee it, it's just so crazy and they always have like the pointy heels and their life looks perfect and it only looks perfect because they have the glass of red wine and this deadly looking glass.

Whereas in reality, what are we, why are we changing our, our state?

Why are we changing our emotional state?

Like the second you have your first sip, you're altering the chemistry in your brain.

You're, you know, without getting too deep on that um food as well.

Like when I eat three magnums or three cornetto all in a row, like why did I do that?

You know, why couldn't I have just sat and felt the feeling and sometimes, you know, you'll sit and you'll feel the feeling and you'll be like, actually, do you know what I fancy having an ice cream?

And that is when, you know, you've achieved so much and that you've been able to achieve um eating in moderation and enjoying treats without the emotional baggage attached to it.

I hope you found this helpful.

You can go to Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash unleash to download my um free guide five steps to unleashing your fitness and cam.

Um or you can head on over to Jessica Cook dot IE forward slash coaching.

If you would like to get on the waitlist to join my Thrive coaching program, have a wonderful day and thank you so much for listening.

I hope you enjoyed this podcast.

Episode and you must let me know by getting in touch.

Don't forget you can head on over to Jessica Cook dot IE where you'll find lots of free stuff to get you started on your journey.

  • 30/9/23…When I listen to this….its actually ALL my story you’re telling Jessica! Unreal the similarities! Thank you for all the tips and support! Xxx

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    About the author 

    Jessica Cooke

    I love drinking coffee, and my favourite thing in life (apart from my family) is to help women to get fit and break free from unhealthy habits holding them back. (oh, and also I love playing with my two Miniature Schnauzers, Buster and Ozzy)

    I’ve now supported over 6,779 women over 14 years in my Thrive Coaching Program get fit and break free from unhealthy habits!