Mental Health, Mindset and Confidence

Do You Have An All or Nothing Approach?

I wanted to talk to you in this blog post about the all or nothing mindset.

We’ve been speaking a lot recently about roadblocks and setbacks and things that are in your way and that are holding you back from your true potential, the even more potential than you think you have now. And untapping that, getting to that, tapping that side of you that has yet to be cracked maybe.

That side of you that we all have, that we fear so much that it takes us out of our comfort zones. And a lot of getting out of our comfort zones, for me, what works for me isn’t trying to do more. It’s actually trying to unblock my old beliefs and move forward having unblocked it.

For example, if you’ve got perfectionist tendencies, if you’ve got all or nothing tendencies, if you never have a plan, if you never have goals and action steps to follow, it’s kind of figuring out how you are getting in your own way so you can move forward. Because sometimes that’s what really works for people.

Sometimes people don’t need to learn more, do more, study more. It’s more about setting themselves free from the things that they might even be subconsciously doing now that’s holding them back. So the all or nothing mindset is definitely a mindset that has held me back in the past and prevented me from getting further along when I wanted to.

An all or nothing mindset can come into your life in so many ways. If you take fitness and health for example, it can be that you don’t want to exercise because your food’s not as healthy as you’d like it to be, or you feel like you can’t do any healthy action steps because you have some unhealthy habits.

Or you might be trying to study or do a course and you feel that you need to have all your papers and pens ready to go along with three hours of quiet time, in a quiet house. And all these kind of little obstacles that we put in front of ourselves when we have the all or nothing mindset.

And it can really prevent us from getting ahead. Because as far as I can see with myself and all my studies of successful people and people I admire and follow, it’s that same old thing of a little bit of progress week in, week out that compounds over time is what gets you to success.

It’s going back to the consistently good is so far better than just this sporadically great.

And sporadically great is just no good. Trying to be so  super excellent. For example, bringing it to your fitness, your weight loss, not eating any junk food, doing so many workouts, putting other things in your life to the back burner for a little bit, doing things that you can’t keep up and can’t sustain.

And we fall into this trap when we start things that we think we can sustain, we trick ourselves. And we normally try to do more rather than a little bit less. Whereas for some people, and you see it in social media all the time, especially when you follow motivational people or business people, that there’s always, for a lot of the time there’s this more, more, more mentality, how can I be better?

How can I do more? How can I study more? But for some of you out there, you actually need to be told that a little bit less is good. And we spoke about this on Wednesday on our  LIVE chat, about allowing yourself to lower your standards a little bit, lower the bar a little bit and relaxing your standards.

 I think it’s important that I say relax your standards, not lower your standards. But for some of you out there, some of you listening to this now, that’s actually what you need to do. And I think that when you hear people talking about doing more, adding more, it just stresses you out and just makes you feel so overwhelmed and you’re more inclined to get back to that all or nothing approach. It can trigger you to stop doing anything at all.

And that’s me too. If there’s people around me stressing me out, or if I’m following somebody and they’re like, “And then do this, and then do this and then do this,” you’re just like, “Oh my God.” And for some of you that are perfectionists that want to do things really well, and for some of you that have all or nothing tendencies, that’s the last message you need.

The best message for you to get the best out of you, the most out of yourself is actually to just do a little bit, do a little bit. And I’m going to bring it back to the fitness analogy because it’s just the simplest one. If you say to me, if you start with me on Monday, and you say, “Jessica, I’m going to do five workouts and I’m going to do five walks.”

I would probably say to you, “You know what? I want you to do three workouts and I want you to get two little walks if you have the time. But the most important thing is for you is just to get three workouts done.” And if you approach it like that, you’re going to feel so successful.

You’re going to be so consistent. You’re going to get so fit and healthy without all the, all or nothing pressure, without heaping on pressure and pressure. And you’re going to want to, if you have tendencies like this, you’re going to want to do more, more, more. But then you start to recognise that yes, you do have all or nothing tendencies.

You do have the perfectionism tendencies. Because you’ve said to me ‘I’m going to do five workouts’, I say, “No, you do three.” And if you’re getting itchy feet all week and you’re like, “Oh my God, I really just feel like I’m not doing enough,” that can really help you get to know yourself and go, “Oh my God. Yeah, this is one of those times where I was going to race right in, do everything.”

Three weeks later, crash and burn. So let that be our message, you and me. My message for me, my message for you, your message for yourself today. That heading into the weekend, which I always love for reflecting and thinking, what are the things that you can take out and subtract from your life? Maybe you’re the type of person that doesn’t need more stuff added at this point, but stuff taken away.

And maybe for you, it’s not about getting your journal on Sunday and saying, “And then this, and then this.” Maybe it’s about you recognising that you say, “I’ll do this, I’ll do five.” And then catch yourself and say, “You know what? I am actually going to do less than I want to. I am going to do, I want to do five workouts, so I’m going to do three.

I want to say I’m going to do five walks, so I’m going to do two. I want to eat no sugar next week so I’m going to allow myself to have two evenings of treats. I’m going to say three litres of water a day, so I’m going to do two.” And just remember, take everything out there with a pinch of salt. Make it your own, suited to what best suits YOUR needs.

And include, when you’re listening to people, especially kind of stressy, “Do this, do this” people. Listen to it to what they have to say, but only take from it, what you need that works best for your personality. Edit it a little bit if needed and then go for it.

I hope you enjoyed our chat. And if you did, I would love to hear from you. Just write a little comment below, tell me what you think. All my love and take care.

Jessica Cooke


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Healthy Habits

Are Your Habits and Actions in Line with Your Dream Life?

I want to ask you…

Are your habits in line with your dream life? 

I have spent so long with my habits not being in line with my dream life. I used to eat crap on the couch and be annoyed that I felt sluggish and tired.

I used to drink alcohol, so much alcohol at the weekends and be so annoyed that I didn’t feel good on a Sunday. And my actual action steps, they just were never in line with where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. And I always saw myself as this fit person, that loved being in nature and loved getting up early in the morning and loved feeling good. And yet I was doing so many things that were making me not feel good, which didn’t really make sense, but it made sense back then. But now it doesn’t make sense anymore, which is kind of good.

Ask yourself… are your actual action steps in line with where you want to be and who you want to be?

We can get so easily led by Instagram and social media and advertising that we think it’s about losing weight, or calorie counting or dieting, or weighing ourselves. And we don’t actually remember to check in with what it is that we actually want to do and don’t want to do because we’re so busy and we’re just going around and around every day.

It can feel a little bit like Groundhog Day, like we’re on a hamster wheel. And it’s really difficult to find the time to actually sit down and say, “What do I want out of life? What would my life look like if I did all the action steps I really desired? What kind of a person do I want to be? Do I love being out with nature? Do I love being indoors all cozy? Do I love sea swimming? Do I hate sea swimming?” All these things that if you give yourself a little bit of time to ask yourself, it can really help you solve maybe all the weight loss and fitness issues that you may have going on.

And for me, that’s the case. I was always fluctuating with my weight. I was always gaining or losing weight. My clothes were always tight or getting looser. I was always dieting or not dieting. And yet I never really realised that if I had worked on the actual problems that were causing me to overeat, that I would’ve gotten to where I am now an awful lot quicker. And that’s my mission in life. To help women… to empower women to transform their lives through fitness because I believe you can change every single habit you have in your life through consistent exercise. Because consistent exercise, in my opinion, makes you mentally strong. And when you’re mentally strong, you can do anything. You can do anything you set your mind to.

I gave up alcohol the 1st of May, and I never in a million years thought that would’ve been possible, ever would’ve been possible. But I often say that the day you decide you want to change, you mightn’t change, but that day is so important because you’ve made the decision that something isn’t serving you or working well for you in your life. And that was me about two years ago. Two years ago, I decided that I didn’t want to drink alcohol anymore. It took me two years to stop, but I really am so proud of that day I decided to stop, yet hadn’t stopped, if that makes sense. I’m just as proud of that day as I am of the day that I actually stopped.

So if you have any habits that are holding you back, if you stay up really late at night, scrolling on your phone, or if you are comfort eating on the couch and you can’t seem to stop or you’re drinking too much at the weekends and you’re just coming into Monday going, “Here we go again,” which was me. I just couldn’t bear that loop feeling anymore; I just had to get out of it. If you’re feeling like that and you decide today that, “Yeah, actually that’s not suiting me anymore,” but you don’t crack it yet, you’re not failing.

You’ve just decided you want to change but it mightn’t be as simple as just stopping. It might take you listening to people, reading books about it, Googling people who have already done it, following people who have already done it, and over time it all being processed in your brain for the day that you’re going to finally stop.

So never get disheartened ever about the fact that you’re not immediately able to do something and think of it as a huge success that you’ve actually decided that you want to change, because that is as important as the day that you’ve fully changed. So go out there now and have a really great day and remember that you don’t need permission to have a laugh and relax and that nothing bad is going to happen if you let your shoulders down and have a good day. All you can do is your best. And once you do your best towards being kind to yourself, kind to others and working at doing your best in work and with your family and friends and loved ones, then you can let yourself off the hook and be happy.

All my love to you guys.

If you’ve any comments or thoughts on this, I would love to hear them

Jessica Cooke X


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