10 Signs You’re Being Too Hard On Yourself, and How To Stop

I used to think being hard on yourself, meant that you kept yourself in check. You have an inner guide that keeps you on the straight and narrow…. until I found out that being hard on yourself only ever holds you back from your goals, success, and a more happy life.

Now I’m doing my utmost to get 100% rid of this annoying trait, as I know now it’s holding me back.

Being too hard on yourself is not good for you, don’t think for one second that it’s useful, or endearing, or that it keeps you humble or whatever you’ve made yourself think, to hold onto that bad trait.

Confidence in yourself is a really good thing, and I believe in Ireland, it can often by accident, be thought of as arrogance.  So we work so hard to be self-deprecating, we slag ourselves off, we say bad things about ourselves out loud to other people. And I know I’ve gone off point here a little, but it all ties in. The negative dialogue we tell ourselves, the negative dialogue that we tell others about ourselves, anything to not make us feel that we’re getting too ”big for our boots”(?)

A strong self-belief, a positive inner dialogue and an un-shakeable inner confidence are the things I work on most now. I’ve spent far too long when I was younger slagging myself off, hating on myself, and constantly critiquing myself. Life is too short to focus on pleasing everyone else. Can you imagine how much easier life would be if you weren’t a people pleaser?

Anyway, if you say yes to many of the sentences below, you’re being too hard on yourself and it’s time to address that. You’re limiting your potential. And who wants to do that?

You dwell on your mistakes for a very long time.

You constantly focus on what you haven’t done.

You dismiss your own ideas, OR you too easily put everyones ideas above your own.

You are constantly guilty about something.

You speak in negative terminology.

You always focus on things you can’t change.

You constantly compare yourself to others.

You rarely feel good about yourself.

You’re always cranky. (the pressure you’re putting on yourself is coming out externally)

OK so you’ve answered YES to three or more?

Here’s a few simple strategies I’ve learned so far, that have helped so much.

Focus only on things you can change. Genuinely, try it for a day! It’s so cool! You can get great craic just by ignoring all those thoughts, it’s so much fun, and now you have permission to ignore all those worries!
Change your words. Refuse to say words for one week, like tired/depressed/exhausted/over-whelmed etc. It is unreal! Soon you start to see other peoples patters of behaviour and you notice how negative we all can be. Refuse to say those words, speak only positive words and watch your mood change.
Refuse to compare yourself to others. Just refuse point blank. Focus on yourself. Again, once you get permission to do this, it’s life-changing!

Just those three things have absolutely transformed my life on a day to day basis. My days are so much more fun, I’m not dragging myself down, and I see so much more happiness in my life.  Hope it helps.

Jessica X

P.S Read also How to recover the #FEELGOOD you after a few tough years

About the author 

Jessica Cooke

I love drinking coffee, and my favourite thing in life (apart from my family) is to help women to get fit and break free from unhealthy habits holding them back. (oh, and also I love playing with my two Miniature Schnauzers, Buster and Ozzy)

I’ve now supported over 6,779 women over 14 years in my Thrive Coaching Program get fit and break free from unhealthy habits!

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